Spy Pages

It's not too late for me.......

2005-12-20T16:01:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in so long because I thought I had nothing to say. I mean, when it's all about you and you've had enough of yourself, doesn't that mean others have too? Well I've come back but in a totally different capacity. Two things happened today. I graduated from my therapy and an old friend of my brother's from high school recently passed away at only 35 and I was fortunate enough to discover a blog written by one of his friends and his sister. As I read the facts of the heart wrenching battle of skin cancer he endured for over a year and the absolute unconditional love thrust forward by those writing the blog as well as those commenting to send prayers, I realized that while I'm one of the lucky ones and have a healthy family now, I don't want to wait until someone I love gets sick or finds tragedy to express my shear love and admiration for those around me. I also realized that even though I'm feeling more healthy mentally than ever in my life, the work that went into the therapy was just that work, hard work and graduating is only the beginning.

I think that people grieve in all sorts of ways and I realize now that my previous blog submissions were exactly that for me, a way for me to grieve the loss of my marriage, my innocence, myself. I'm not sure if all of the witty puns were to cover up the fact that my heart lay dead in my chest or if the angry political banter was an infection of the growing hatred for the way I was raised but something forced me to put it to paper so to speak. And the best part is that it helped and even though I'm a different person then only months ago, I find that the spirit of that person, the anger, the sadness, the depression were exactly the medicine that attributed to my getting better. I focused so on the negativity of the situation that I forgot to look at what was really happening to me……I was growing….out of all of the adversity and mistakes, I was growing to become someone better, stronger, wiser….better.

I have always felt that I had a certain genuine spirit and that my heart was bigger than most. I don't know exactly where I get this observation, however it came to me often as I would describe some of the asinine and rather frightening antics of my post-divorce youthfulness. I knew that the person being described was not the person I was nor was she the person that I wanted to be but I was "blowing off some steam" or "just having fun". Now that I've realized that the person that most excites me is here now, I know that my growth can be attributed to not only those "immortal" times but also to the encouragement of those who've supported me unconditionally. It is those who knew I needed some time to grieve and that all would be right once I realized the truth of my heart and direction. It was the patience of people like my friends Ty and Lisa and the forgiving spirit of Sheila, Cheree and Jessica that carried me though the roughest times. It was the courage of my brother and sister to hold back their judgments when they saw me spinning out of control. It was as if I was in a fast moving river current constantly teasing to jump down the waterfall and my friends and family were holding the rope tied around my waste. They would give me a little slack to see if I would grab onto a rock but as soon as I passed the rock, they would tighten the rope to pull me back again. It took a long time to realize that even though they were standing on the shore, they were not idle…..in fact, they were believing in me, waiting for me….praying for me. They were the rope that pulled me back in. Now, I've added a few other care-takers to the rope and although I've grabbed the rock and am finding my way back to shore, these new characters in my story have grabbed the rope with the rest to rescue me from the abyss of myself. There are my grandparents and mother and father who posses the ability to see the halo I wear so openly when I'm with them but still love me for the horns they know I conceal. There are friends like Gail and Paul who've shown what it can mean to make a connection and keep it forever and then there is my rock, the one I've clung on to….Chad, the bearer of all that's good who accepts me for the weaknesses I posses and teaches me the true meaning of unconditional love - the true meaning of loving someone and accepting that kind and unyielding love in return. There are of course countless others who have consoled me and helped me along the way and I have not forgotten you, I promise, because once in my heart, always in my heart.

How blessed I am……and better, how wonderful it is to express it before someone I love finds their way down the waterfall. I can tell you all, the ones I love and admire, that now it is my turn to hold the rope so if you must inch your way to the waterfall, I will be there to give you some slack when you need it and I will always be there to tighten the rope when you get to close to falling. Thank you and Happy Holidays. I love you all so very much!

You're kidding, Women can drive cars legally now??

2005-07-06T13:09:00.000-07:00

yep, i've decided to cower out of retirement for a limited time only. not to be a complete nerd but i've got to shed an opinion somehow and it seems my closest democratic allies have fled the continent for sandier, and politically un-politically correct lands.

i've been thinking about it and i think while it won't be earth-shattering at this point to lose ms. o'connor from the highest court in the land (Roe vs Wade will not be in danger according to washington insiders), it does open the realms of possibility to yet another man. i know, i know boys, here goes the wining but damn, isn't it bad enough we have to do everything domestically, cleaning the house, mowing the lawn, enduring the pain and agony of childbirth and oral sex (giving, not receiving of course).....can't you give us something by replacing sandra with another well articulated women who may just lead us to more women in spearheading positions? nah, i guess you can't. i mean it is a lot to ask when you've given us not only the right to vote and a license to drive but you have also allowed us the opportunity to make a whole 76 cents to every dollar you make. that's a lot considering what it was just a mere 15 years ago.....wait, wasn't it 76 cents 15 years ago too? oh who knows. all that's important is that we [women] know our place in society.

just know this fella's, even though it will earn me a ticket straight to hell, i will be voting for hilary when she makes her debut to the presidential election in 2008 or 2012 (well, that's only if obama barrack isn't running.....he's just genius so i'd gladly wait yet another 8 years for a woman on the ticket if he could lead our great country) it's pure principle is all. oh, and have i mentioned that now that 30 is staring me squarely in the face, i'm leaning toward the very conservative republican side? i'm not a traitor, just a woman allowed to change her mind at any time based soley on chemical makeup. point is, let bush bring on gonzales (it's only taken us girls thousands of years to peer even slightly into your manly shadows....perhaps we'll be right at your level in another 150 years.

and yes, sal's back in black.....i'm out.

My Time's About Up

2005-03-02T13:31:00.000-07:00

sad to say that bloggin' is goin' to be the last thing i can do for a while. with an extremely sad death in my family, work kickin' my ass all over the place, studying for my designation becoming harder, biting off more than i can chew with law books and new friends.....it's just my time to concentrate on other things. but be sure that i'll be checkin' in on all you all blogger pals every now and then. take the best care, be thankful you're alive and blessed with loved ones and smile every once in a while....it's good for your soul. peace out and oh yeah......allz i'm sayin' is...see ya all soon as i can........

:o)

brauts and fried okra anyone?

2005-02-22T15:20:00.000-07:00

i have to say, my girl anna is 'da bomb. while she wasn't up for the trip to see jordan or magic, much to my disappointment, this weekend spent was great. of course, no trip to the sotho would be complete without a couple of gun shots from the drunk gangsters fighting over who looked at who when and how. at least my kia wasn't hit....thank gawd.

i do have to say, mike and anthony know how to woop it up when it comes to bb-qing brauts and fryin' up the okra at 4am. nothin' says lovin' like feedin' me fried okra or takin' me out on a 2am crotch-rocket ride (the motorized vehicle of course...nothin' else....Gawd!). and i'm not even that upset that my favorite heart ring...the one that i once paid a hefty ransom to get back and my lovely heart necklace and my even cuter heart bracelet and the bomb of all watches....my heart watch were all ruined upon me being thrown into the hot tub. hey, at least the flowers made up for it even a little. drivin' home at six in the morn on a sunday from sotho isn't that fun though when you are so damn tired from swimming with the fishes and laughin' your ass off to HBO comedy on demand. here's to anna d and the motorcycle boys! and hey eddie...you should really chill muffin...seriously, you're so two years ago......

so a sweet weekend with an old friend and a very good looking new one makes up for those straight out d days of doin' time the heartbreak way. hey mikey.....don't forget tricks are for kids.............ok, kid.......

i think i'll sit out next time........

2005-02-14T13:15:00.000-07:00

this girl's been de-virginized...finally. i had never been to a strip club before last weekend and wow....what an eye-opener. my first time and do they ease me into it? no way...i have to see full on nude....wow. i'm in shock, still. i was the dd that night so i wasn't even given some liquid courage for my first time out. it was scary! those little girls don't even have hips...and the things they were doing with their bodies. it was nuts...(no pun intended). i guess i still don't understand the alure for you fellas but whatev....i guess it's what you do after the bars close 'til 4am. interesting is allz i'm sayin'.

after that, what else can i say?.....the rest of the weekend was pure bordom in comparison. happy monday....oh, and happy hearts day to all you lovas out there. happy v-day to mr shoemaker and matt too......!!!!

the secret decoder ring

2005-02-10T11:40:00.000-07:00

*(hey boys, this one isn't for you, it's just for the gals. therefore, if you continue reading, you do so at your own risk and please do not complain about the contents of this post.)

wow, i finally found the illusive "secret decoder ring". i knew it was out there but i thought i would have to come up with some sort of ransom to get a hold of it. turns out, you just have to open your eyes when dealing with a man. suddenly the ring appears and your insight is heightened. so i will give you the man's excuse first and then the true meaning of his rantings by way of the secret decoder ring. here is what i found:

when he says: i didn't call because it was too late and i didn't want to wake you.
what he really means: i didn't call because i was talking to a hot girl all night and didn't want you to know when i got home.

when he says: i think i love you
what he really means: i think i have to tell you something so you will have sex with me

when he says: i want us to live together
what he really means: i am broke and need help with my bills

when he says: will you marry me?
what he really means: i would like to have sex with you on a regular basis and you doing the laundry and cooking me dinner makes life so much easier.

when he says: but baby, i do listen to you
what he really means: baby, i didn't hear a word you said and i really don't care

when he says: i think we need a break
what he really means: i think i like the girl from the coffee shop and i would like to see if she'll go out with me

when he says: i think we should see other people
what he really means: i am already seeing the girl from the coffee shop and it could get serious

when he says: i hope we can be best friends
what he really means: i hope we can be cool enough to screw on occasion without commitment

when he says: i don't want a relationship right now
what he really means: i don't want a relationship with YOU

when he says: i am just a loner, i need to be alone
what he really means: i am tired of you and i would rather be alone than listen to your incessant rantings

when he says: i made a mistake leaving you
what he really means: i didn't find what i was looking for and now i don't want to be alone

when he says: i want you back
what he really means: me and the girl from the coffee shop broke up, i don't have anywhere else to go

fun game....try this at home if you'd like ladies

....and fellas, obviously you read this post so just grin...you know it's true.

Just a Taste

2005-02-09T11:10:00.000-07:00

Exert from:

The Longest Night

It was so confusing. Waking up to the silence. The room was only a bit dark. There were trails of light flowing in from the blinds, making the room recognizable only in a fog. I could not understand. Where was I? How did I get here?

I sit up, slowly, trying to wipe my eyes, thinking that I must be dreaming. What a small apartment. Where is Dean? It feels like I haven’t seen him in months. Is he working late? Why is it so quiet here?

As I stammer out of bed, I grip my arms feeling the chill of night in the air. I can hear the heater kick on and a cat rustling near the window. The bathroom is illuminated by a nightlight and I can see my tired image in the mirror. The lines on my face show a weary soul. I feel like I've aged 10 years over night. How did I get here? Where is Dean? As I draw a glass of water from the faucet, I realize that this is my home. A dreadful feeling comes over me.....a fear I can’t explain. I’m alone here. Dean is never coming back. He was never here to begin with . How did I get here?

What a dump.

When I used to wake up in the middle of the night, Dean used to wake too. He would look up at me as I sat up, and say in a dreamy voice, “Are you ok? What was it? Bad dream?” Go back to sleep my princess. I’m right here.” I would tuck back under the covers, firmly slipping my cold feet between his knees to warm myself again, while Dean would pull the sheet just over my face so that all he could see was my small nose and my wondering eyes. He would hug me tight and whisper that he could not understand how my feet could be so cold, all the while making me feel safe. I would drift back to sleep in the safety of his heart, knowing he loved me so much.

I can’t remember the last time I felt safe. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t feel alone.

The air around me now is a deafening silence. I can hardly stand it but then I let it embrace me, I don't want to move. I refuse to light the room. I just walk cautiously to the edge of my bed, sitting, watching the slivers of light break with the wind through the trees outside of my window. How did I get here?

I allow my mind to flash small clips of the past year. I can see the cracked ceiling of Harper’s apartment as I lay there next to him, hearing the city bus outside of his balcony excellerate into the night. Then a brief moment of laughter as I see my friends huddling together in the chill outside of the club.

Suddenly I feel my heart sink as I see a clip of Dean, next to the closet, wearing that look....the disappointed and sorriful look as his lips move. He is telling me something I cannot hear. I can only see his lips move and I feel my world crashing. I ascend from the edge of the bed in anxst. I can’t think about it...I can’t let myself hear those words. I flash to a drive up the coast as we stop at a tiny B&B and then in another scene I remember back to the small house in Churchville. I see the porch and remember times when we sat there as the weather warmed talking about the day’s events. I have to stop remembering.

My arms and legs are heavy as I drift back to the bathroom to draw another drink of water from the faucet.

How did I get here?

Colorado Dreamin'

2005-02-08T16:53:00.000-07:00

you know you're dreamin' when the guy you've had a crush on for a long time comes up to you and says, "hey, it's about time i took you to dinner don't you think?". "really?" i reply. "well, yeah. seems you got some sh** goin' on and you're lookin' pretty good now." then suddenly, batchlor number one takes my hand and we are off....except somehow we end up at the paramount after it has closed. then there is dinner waiting on the stage and he starts playin' my fav cd over the sound system.

then you know you're dreamin' when you are havin' the best dinner with the guy you've had a crush on for a long time and the stupid cat starts runnin' around the house yappin' it's jaws and fightin' with the other cat. i tried not to wake up, i mean we hadn't even kissed yet....damn luc and mab....can't you at least have given me 10 more minutes?

you know you are a sad case when the only dates you go on are between the hours of 2am and 4am and you always end up waking up from them with only a sneared look on your face and a very rapid heart beat at best. again, let me reiterate.....being single sucks.

single standing....i'm already tired

2005-02-08T10:21:00.000-07:00

Q: hey, how'z it goin'? i'm jer, what do you call yourself?
A: uh, i call myself bored but you can call me sal.

Q: you look like you're going to school for ecomonics are something like that. are you an aspiring cpa?
A: no, I aspire to kick guy's asses that think i look like an accountant.

Q: does your boyfriend know you are this funny?
A: yeah, that's why i'm visiting from the comedy store...just passing through town and thought i'd come to this dive for a drink.

Q: so do you have a boyfriend?
A: it depends on what you define as boyfriend.

Q: so you don't have a boyfriend then. you have friends that are guys...right?
A: wow, how smart are you? did you figure that out all on your own?

Q: ha, ha. so i'm movin' to california on sunday and i'd love to take you to dinner before I leave.
A: oh yeah, can we? and will you promise to call when you get there too? maybe we can start a long distance relationship.....sure...that would be a blast.

Q: ever been married?
A: it depends on what you define as married.

Q: what if i promise NOT to call?
A: oh, that would be even better. did your dad teach you how to woo a girl or are you just drunk?

Q: i wish you were drunk so you'd say yes.
A: and now we know why i've decided not to drink anymore. you should pound sand

Q: i'll be back in six months, so it's not like i'm trying to feed you a line.
A: oh, then let me hold my breath until then. by the time you get back, you can figure i'm dead. you should really go pound sand.

Q: if i knew what that meant i'd probably be turned on.
A: if you knew what that meant you'd be the freakin' einstein in your family probably.

note to self: single life sucks.

Skiin' and buyin' and gaukin'....oh my

2005-02-07T13:23:00.000-07:00

on my skis again, just couldn't wait to get on my skis again....and i just couldn't wait to get on my skis again.

a "girls only" party to pick out those unmentionables....with jelly-o-sachi....who says lonely girls can't play?

my friend owen hittin' on a hot babe on the beach....nah, sorry that's josh...i get confused.

sometimes you just need a little time

2005-02-04T14:18:00.000-07:00

so when your phone rings and you look at the number, you know who it is. and when you see that it is him, calling from a 916 area code, you might freeze for a moment, or maybe you consider hitting the "reject" button or maybe your heart races just a little bit. you think about the last time he called, to ask you for a drink because he was passing through town for the holidays. you flash to that night in the foggy bar downtown, christmas decorations drowning the walls, and remember that even though he looked so great, as he always did, it was a lifetime ago and you are a different person now. you might flash a quick memory of driving up the coast with him on chuckanut drive or maybe you see a quick reflection of his face in the mirror as he got ready for work. all in a few mili-seconds, you may remember the feel of his clammy hands the day you looked into his brown eyes to declare your intentions to him as he declared his to you. you might remember the smell of the reception hall or the shadows cast on the walls of your first apartment together. you might remember taking naps with him or walking down the pier with the wind blowing through you as he held your hand. then there might be a twinge inside of you as you remember the day you had to leave. you might feel your stomach tighten because you remember the salt taste from the tears you spent for so many months. your chest may feel heavy as you think about how he let you go and how you should have fought harder. then you smile because you always knew he was a loner. you remember the days, nights and weeks that you were alone in a city where you knew no one because his job always came first. it dawns on you that the person you met in that bar in college, the man with the black coat and dark blue hat...the one with the smile of a rising sun and dimples to accentuate it....the one with the deepest brown eyes and the weathered hands...the one that was so in love that night that he could hardly speak....the one that took your hand that day in september declared that he now knows what love feels like.........he no longer exists. he hasn't existed for a very long time and you've known that. you understand that he was not the one for you and you realize that while you've had a hard time getting through it, you are now in a place that allows you to remember the good time you had with him and look toward the future with hope and renewed spirit. suddenly you hear the phone ring again and realize that you can either pick it up or put it down. you put it down, knowing that the memories are enough. the phone stops ringing, finally.....you walk away with a smile.

What the hell Sal, you mean you aint got nothin' to say today?

2005-02-03T01:55:00.000-07:00

i watched him, glued to my television. i participated in some clapping and much booing. but the truth is, i just don't have time. it's true, some of the things he said were a little out there for this democrat's ears, however, it was the state of the union....it's about his agenda, the things he cares about, his report on what he's going to do.....it's just the way things are and i've accepted that.

YEAHHHHHH RIGHT! you gotta be kidding me if you believed even an ounce of that jibberish. of course i have something to say but to be honest, i have got enough time today to write these two little paragraphs and then it is back to work with me. i worked until 6:30 last night (i wasn't about to miss the damn thing) and was here at 6:30 this morning. i have already been down to colorado springs for a client meeting and back and now i have another meeting tomorrow to prepare for. ok, ok, my crazy work is not my only excuse...i actually (and b, don't laugh too hard) left my notes at home. yeah, can't believe i said it but i did.......go ahead, call me a nerd, i don't care.......

Let Freedom Ring

2005-01-31T10:45:00.000-07:00

With all of the bitching and moning regarding Bush and his sending our innocent troops into war, it seems that [Bush] gets a chance to stand in the lime-light as 60% of eligible voters turned out to vote despite the life threatening terrorist actions from the insurgents in Iraq. Witnessing Freedom ring and history in the making is a very beautiful thing and brought tears to my eyes as I diligently watched the news this weekend. While I still don't agree with the regime of President Bush, I may be starting to understand that their fight is our fight and that in order to help those so much less fortunate and those in daily grave danger, there must be much sacrifice for the greater good. There really is some method to his madness (some of it anyway)....thanks to our troops!!!!! Let Freedom Ring.

three-some's are so five years ago

2005-01-27T17:54:00.000-07:00

so one of my friends got a visit from a person the other night while we were out....we'll call him FWBBHAGF.....he came from somewhere, we weren't sure where but i remember her damn phone ringing all night and her not answering because it was HIM. so then he shows up....after several text messages back and forth i later found out....so that's how he figured it out...damn, i thought he was psychic or something. so he comes in, starts challenging me to a drink off and to some political debate because he heard i liked to argue. thanks "friend" for warning him....and i could have kicked his ass with my political banter - i mean i still did but damn girl, you gave him some edge. he starts sayin' stuff like "you should join me and "friend" for a little get-together later"- ha, ha". i looked at him with that look you do when you see ashlee simpson trying to sing live....it's just the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard...so then he starts asking me if i thought i could kick his ass....this fourty something dude is asking little five-foot, one-inch, 117 lbs (so i could lose 10....i'm in a transitional period, gimme a break) sal if she thinks she can kick his ass....."of course i can muthafucka.....what'cha think? i'll send you home cryin' to that girlfriend you are lying to my friend about" and yes, i know i can kick most people's asses. i'm not conceded or anything...i'm just stating fact. (and for you who may have kicked my ass...and there was only one but he cheated by tickling - it is still my word against yours) i mean, i am the one who has rushed a denver cop for talkin' shit about my dad, that sonuvabitch.....the cop, not my dad. i have also fought two men in my life....it was fun as hell, and i can take a hit like no other...never been knocked out...knocked down maybe, but not out. (thanks to my bro for makin' me so tough....he used to beat the shit out of me so much that i think i cried for a year straight once) i am also the one who has kicked a many girls asses, well two but they were very tall, in fort fun when challenged....the best challenge ever:

Her: what'chu lookin' at? you want suma this?

me: fuk yeah bitch......
then i ran and punched her so hard in her face she landed her back on the pool table and slid down on her ass - it was like a john woo movie (she had a look on her face like mini-me just beat up jet li ....my guy friends laughed so hard they were cryin' sayin "who knew little sal was a little scrapper....don't fuk with her....she might just lay ya out"......

anyway, back to hairy eye for the bald guy.........
so after about 3 beers and 7 butter-baby shots and 3 boiler makers - each...everyone decides to go back to our friend's house for some more roughage. i wasn't goin' anywhere with "friend" and 3-way freak man. this little scrapper was too loaded and not in the mood to be fightin'....so i put my ass in a cab & went home. i could just see it now...."On Friday night, 29 year-old Spy was arrested on assault charges for kicking the crap out of some bald ass dude with attitude"......it just wouldn't be fair. and besides, how would my friend ever have let him pleasure her knowing he just got his ass kicked by a chick.....it would be devistating.

the moral of the story....don't fuk with a scrapper from sotho.....us trailer-trash, acid-washed-jean-wearin', tobacco-chewin', fake-finger nail bitches know how to rumble......just ask our mom's...the mobile home mama's.

Ms. Spy to the Beaver Creek Room Please

2005-01-27T11:38:00.000-07:00

So when you blog as much as I do at work, you might have a smidgen of guilt inside of your heart. Especially if you are one of those “do-gooders” that everyone hates but always depends on. Now, I am not a kiss-ass by any means. I am not a brown-noser either. I am what one of my cyber friends would call a “nerd”. I just try to do the best I can for no other reason than getting that preverbal pat on the head. I’m generally a hard worker and have never been fired from a job in my life. (Not to say that those of you who have been fired are slackers....I mean they did need to bring in cheaper labor didn’t they?).

Anyway, back to me. So I am doing a job that some might think doesn’t take a whole lot of brainpower or commitment. I mean, not that it isn’t honorable...it is, however I do a lot of menial filing, labeling, letter typing and such. The funnest and best part of my job is creating these little graphic designed flyers, newsletter, pay stuffers and statements for employees. Anyway, the point is, other than the creative flyer/newsletter stuff, my job is relatively easy. So I get bored and often seem to have time to devote to the meaningless meanderings of this blog and emailings to friends as well as good-looking young gentlemen. So when my supervisor informed me on Tuesday that she needed to meet with me one-on-one this morning, the guilt of slacking off consumed me to the point of utter stress and fear. I have always been the “good” one. Whether it be in school, with friends, with family.....etc, etc, I’ve been what many might call as an “angel”....yeah, I said it! Anyway......being reprimanded is my biggest fear. I just don’t handle it well.

Much to my surprise and utter excitement, the meeting entailed nothing regarding my blogging behavior or my email escapades. Instead, my supervisor informed me that she was putting me up for a permanent promotion into a management position. I’ve been delving bit by bit into this management position for a couple of months however it has been on an interim basis, since I am still technically known as an administrative assistant. The “permanentness” of this position entitles me to more money, more responsibility, and less babysitting from my peers. While I won’t get a bigger office and it may not seem like a giant leap for women-kind, it’s a tremendous opportunity for someone who has only worked at this company for seven months. It’s the fastest move made yet, by anyone hired for my position.

A bit self-absorbed this morning? Most definitely........Proud? A little too much I suppose......Nerd? Yes, most definitely. Congratulate me though...since this ride will only be lasting about a year and eight months (if I don’t get caught on this damn blog by then, that is). Then I will be starting out at the very bottom rung....blood-sucking law student and all.

Some People Just Stay in Your Heart

2005-01-25T12:23:00.001-07:00

When I was a little girl, my grandma Suds would let me play tea party with all of her dishes while she watched "Another World". I would then set up "Sal's Place" restaurant in the living room while she would lay down in the afternoon. The days with her during the summer would be hot and lazy. Sometimes, she would let me go into the "junk room" to try on her old clothes from the 20's and play with my aunts baby doll. The sweetness of the time takes me back to nostalgia so sweet, I could've been a little boy growing up with the Brooklyn Dodgers and stealing afternoon dips in the lake.

My grandma had rheumatoid arthritis to a degree that left her unable to leave the house. She never learned to drive so my cousin Kel and I would stay at her house, in my grandpa's room (died when I was four) and we would walk down to the "little store" as we called it, to buy candy cigarettes and bubble gum while grandma finished her cream of wheat. I remember the taste of the Kraft Cheese Slices (never tasted anything like it since) my grandma kept in her fridge and the vanilla ice cream from her "ice box" as she referred that she always made my aunt buy for us.

My favorite times were when I didn't have to share my grandma though. I loved the days I would stay there, just her and I. I would help her hang the laundry on the line out back and take her change to the "little store" for dollar bills. After I put out the trash and swept off the "divan", we would eat breakfast together; her with her cream-o-wheat, me with my applejacks or fruit loops and then play a game of "Go Fish". Then I would be off to the back yard to play soccer, or school or basketball in the alley. In the afternoon I would take a nap with my grandma or maybe I would play the organ. I didn't know what the notes meant or how to read the music but hours would pass while I tried to figure it out....and grandma never minded the noise. She would just rest her eyes and hum along with my music. Back then you could use one phone in the house and dial a certain number, on the 'ole rotary phones, and make the same phone ring. She would pick up her bedroom phone and talk to me for ten minutes, as if I was a long lost relative calling from Missouri. She was so much fun.

At night, grandma and I would eat something like a grilled cheese sandwiches or fish sticks with mayonnaise for dinner. Grandma had favorite shows she would watch on the "watch box" but what I remember most about the evenings was when grandma would let me have ice cream or cereal while we would watch Johnny Carson. I was never allowed to stay up late at home so when I could watch the whole Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, I was thrilled. My grandma and I would laugh and laugh at his jokes and hilarious skits. It's a childhood memory that will forever be burned into my mind and it makes me not only nostalgic for times long gone but it makes me remember the smile that Mr. Carson brought to my grandma's face each and every night of the week. I miss my grandma so much, even those wilted little hands of hers that could barely grasp a fork or spoon (but she could hang on to a cigarette like there was not tomorrow alright). Thanks for reminding me of better times Johnny....Rest in peace.

In case anyone cares....

2005-01-24T11:29:00.000-07:00

I Survived!

The nastiest of flu kept me out of work last week from Wednesday until today. I'm getting so good at taking care of myself that I have almost mastered the subject....well almost. Anyway, got plenty of rest, drank Green Tea until it was coming out of every orifice. And found the time to see the "alone" movie per Hubs...."My life without Me"....was great and definitely only to be seen by one's self. Thanks Hubs!

I also read a couple books about Law school, studied for my next Health Insurance Associate exam and finally learned several chords on my guitar.....sick time off, well spent. Since I missed three and a half days of work, this future Attorney must get caught up. Here's a shout out to all ya all feelin' no pain from this season's flu, I'm jealous but not so much....I mean damn, I did get five days off from work, beat that!

Oh and congrats to my sotho boys for the win! I knew you would do it. Kisses to you boys...missin' you bunches!

....allz I'm sayin' is...may you stay healthy and happy all winter long! And have a groovy Monday!

Betta Check......Myself

2005-01-18T11:45:00.000-07:00

i've got a new thing in my life and for the first time EVER...it has nothing to do with the opposite sex.....even i'm impressed by that.

so i've been thinkin' pretty hard lately about life and all that it has to offer and i decided that it's time to get a little serious about my dreams. with no man to stear my way and no children to grace my life and no one to answer to about anything i do, it's time to pursue MY dreams. i've been the support system for others thus far in my life and when it was my turn to do something i've always wanted, it seems like someone or something has always offered obsticles that i could not over-come. first i put it off because i let an asshole professor tell me i wasn't good enough, then i put it off to get married...then i put it off so he could go to grad school....then i put off because i would never be able to afford it....then i wasn't smart enough to do it...then, then, then....yeah....then there was excuse after excuse. well folks, i've run out of excuses so now the only thing to do it commit myself to something real, something that i've always wanted and something for which i am expressing outloud to blogger world, family and friends so at least i have someone/something to answer to when i don't go through with it. it's the perfect time....no guy...no kid....and no need for either for a while anyway....wish me luck folks...so goes the blog

LSAT's are in june....i bought the study materials at barnes & noble on saturday, i have a 12-week study schedule.....DU costs 25K a year, CU costs 7K a year and Wyoming costs 10K a year (out of state).......if i pass the LSAT, i apply to schools by february and i'm off to become an attorney like i've always dreamed in sept of '06. no money to go but that's why gawd invented loans and credit cards right? if i'm going to be in debt (108K), it might as well be for some great cause right? ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY!!!

Sleeping Is AWSOME!!!!

2005-01-17T13:31:00.000-07:00

Ok, so yes....I finally got some sleep although I have yet to sleep all the way throught the night. I ended up going out late on Saturday and waking early on Sunday (after a crazy night at the cow palace) however the best news is that I slept for hours and hours on Sunday....not even able to leave the couch. It felt great......

So, my weekend consisted of late night shenanigans with new friends on Friday, spa and coffee on Saturday morning and apartment hunting in the afternoon followed by lunch and shopping with my bro and sis. The Pivilions are worth moving down there if the only reason. The hightlight of the weekend though (besides finding a great apartment downtown.....thanks to my new artist friend Ryan for the tips) was country dancing on Saturday night. What a refreshing change from the hip and trendy waste-lands of downtown. No frat boys hitting on us....no constant pressure to impress.....just a great time dancing and free drinks to boot. What a concept.

So Monday has started with a bang as usual and I have to actually work today.....what a concept...oh I said that already. To all ya all havin' fun out there....have a great Monday and a fabulous week....Allz I'm sayin' is....Here's to makin' some money......

My Boyfriend's Back & You're Gonna Be In Trouble

2005-01-14T12:08:00.000-07:00

I have posted, deleted, posted and now deleted once again an exert from a short story I have been working on for about three weeks. I just can't bring myself to share my writing...even though it is alright. My friends say I am a pussy...I agree. At any rate, I wrote this blog yesterday afternoon and thought I would post it instead.

Hope you are all having a groovy Friday and have a wonderful weekend. Here's to old friends, new possibilities and a full night's sleep this weekend!

Note to self: When having lunch with an ex, it is not a good idea to bring up why you broke up in the first place. Nor is a good idea to remind him that he lied to you often. Reminders such as these cause him to feel insecure and put him on the defensive because now he thinks that you not only can't forget stupid shit that happened before you grew up but you think you both haven't grown up enough after all these years to be able to be friends. My saving grace: Making him remember when he stayed the night in the hospital with me on Valentine's Day when I had to have my appendix removed. He also laughed when I reminded him he accidentally borrowed some of my Vicadin for a recreational evening with his friends, leaving me alone with my abdomen in shambles and few pain pills to help me. Thanks for lunch JRG....you're just as cute as ever and I hope life and love treat you right! It was fun reminiscing.

Ambian....Take Me Away

2005-01-14T10:45:00.000-07:00

I've had enough. It is time to get some f**king sleep for GAWD sakes. The saga continues and is getting worse. When I was a little girl, I used to wake up every single morning with my head at the foot of the bed and had no idea how I got there. I eventually grew out of it or so I thought. Last night/this morning I woke up at 3am and found that somehow I had shifted so much in the course of sleep that I was laying ACROSS my bed, outside of the covers and all pillows were tossed on the floor. My arms and legs were hanging off of the bed in such a way, it seemed like someone had moved me to stage some type of movie scene or something. This is so ridiculous and I am at my limit. Of course, after the hour and ½ it took to get back to sleep I had yet another stupid dream and this time I was lactating at work and people were laughing at me. No reason for it, just lactating. Now that is some scary shit.

It might be time to see my primary care physician and maybe try some of that Ambian ......"has a low occurrence of side affects....in some cases, people who take sleeping pills may become dependent.....It is not safe to take Ambian for more than 7 days unless prescribed by your doctor. Only take Ambian when you can devote a full nights sleep for 7 to 8 hours..............................."

Tylenol PM Anyone?

2005-01-13T10:08:00.000-07:00

Once again last night/early this morning I found myself wide awake around 3:45am. I thought for sure I would sleep through the night because I was very tired from being berated all night by my great friends. I went to bed around midnight but still couldn't make it through the night. When I finally did fall back asleep at about 5am, I started dreaming about a hamster running around in a maze of tubes probably 30 feet in length all over my kitchen. There was also a mouse in a mouse house and once the hamster (named none other than Catsup - obviously staying with the whole GS theme of Peanut Butter and Jelly) and the mouse got together, they fought and fought until I separated them by closing off some of the tubes. Then the poor little black mouse died and I had to put it in my fireplace to cremate it. I attribute the weirdness of this dream to the fact that I have now seen Garden State three times. It's a sad day when all I dream about is hamsters and mice. I'll take an old fashion George Clooney sex dream to this anytime.....as long as I can stay asleep.

Allz I'm sayin' is....have a fabulous Thursday!

Taking Bets.....

2005-01-12T15:49:00.000-07:00

I feel so sorry for all the poor bastards that buy tickets to this....

Will they have to endure her real voice or will she lip sync the wrong song.....I have 5 to 1 she does both.....poor, poor bastards.

What a Day Already!

2005-01-12T11:03:00.000-07:00

Took me an hour and ten minutes to drive in this morning....what is normally a fifteen minute drive. Why is it that people are such assholes on days like today? I mean, we are all in the same situation, late to work and trying to navigate this terrible weather.....can't we all just get along? It made for a VERY long drive and then being an hour late to work didn't help. Of course, there are still people drifting in so I don't feel so bad about writing on my blog first thing....I mean, I just gotta.

Woke up again in the middle of the night last night, around 2am, freaking out. Not sure why but something just isn't right or something is missing or..... This has been going on for almost two weeks now and I don't know why. I'm so hyper during the day so maybe I am just not tired because it takes me at least an hour to go to sleep and then when I wake up in the middle of the night it takes me at least an hour to go back to sleep, and then I still wake up again before my alarm rings. Also, I did stress last night when I woke up because I thought about the stupid post I did yesterday and decided that I had to delete it. It was just too ridiculous and too immature...of course it help that my "anonymous" put it in my head too.

So, last night I met some people over at a restaurant for a Young Insurance Professional meeting/happy hour thing. Met some very interesting people and even laughed a little. But the thing is....I just don't understand why men think it is alright to just say anything when I am around. It is like they think I am one of the guys (which seems to ruin relationships for me anyway since everyone wants to be "just friends" - I'm sick of it!). Anyway, while I can be a "cool chick" at times because I love football and I can actually carry on a conversation about politics and sports and current events, I am still a woman. I mean, I don't take offence to most of the "guy" jokes but come on....can we nix the anal sex talk when we have just met or completely for that matter? I mean...there has to be a line drawn somewhere. And why is it that people feel so comfortable to tell me private things....I mean, do I look like Dear Abby or something? I don't really need to know about you and your wife's infurtility issues or the fact that you puked out a window at your house just last week and you are 31 years old! But whatever....the point is, boys will be boys I guess but I will have to really think about attending the next YIP function....well, unless Topher would like to pick me up and take me....maybe on our way down from skiing....Topher's the BOMB!...

Allz I'm sayin' is...Have a fabulous Wednesday and stay warm for GAWD sakes!

If Only Dating Was as easy as Marketing policies to New Carriers

2005-01-10T13:35:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Shoemaker:

It has come to my attention that you are interested in re-writing my current insurance policy. I administered my Request For Proposal (RFP) to another potential carrier in recent months without attachment however as I saw you meeting with my supervisor, I realized that I had missed your company for consideration. I apologize for this oversight in advance as I am sure that you will cover my policy with the diligence deservant of someone as coverable as myself. I have outlined the Request For Proposal below:

Renewal Date: January 1, 2005
RFP Deadline: January 15, 2005

RFP Objectives: Coverage in increments of months to extend dependent on further review after performance objectives have been met. Details of performance objectives include; several meetings per week (locations and topics TBA), as well as coverage outside the metro area for recreational purposes to include skiing (or snowboarding if I shall prefer)ocean/tropical beach exploration, travel out of state (or out of country)to meet family and friends, and coverage for concerts, movies and possible guest starring spots in weddings, holidays and family functions.

Current Plan: No coverage in existence.
In-Network/Out-of-Network Maximums:
PDA - Unlimited
PRVTDA - Unlimited
KIDS - 2 max (option only available upon life-rate guarantee)

Exclusions/Limitations: Coverage of any other plans while my plan year resides shall be limited to NONE. Mountain Biking/Road Biking shall be Excluded from policy.
Cohabitation limited to seperate quarters for at least two years with option for six-month look-back period once initial claim submitted.

Please quote three date minimum with option to renew after short plan has expired. Please submit all proposal data to me directly. Contact information given on previous RFP packet.

There are Opinions and Then There are Truths

2005-01-07T15:18:00.000-07:00

While I have never liked the Sooners in any way and was glad to see them lose as they did to USC, I would never have wished the punishment of having to listen to the appalling sounds of what can only be described as the worst singing this side (and the other side for that matter)of the international date line. I mean William Hung could put this girl to shame any time, any where. And the cheese does not stand alone. Thank you to Michael Ventre for his extremely harsh however very insightful expose of Ashley Simpson's horrendous Orange Bowl Half Time performance.

Ashley Sucks

Seriously Ashley, shouldn't you stick to ballet or driver's ed or something? Or at least continue your imanginary singing as in your debut on SNL. You really do suck and now that SNL fans and college football fans have confirmed, please do not make the other sects endure your tomfoolery. It's just not right.

Beer Friday starts in a mere 45 minutes folks so.....Have a Terrific Weekend and.....
Allz I'm sayin' is.....See ya.

The Most Beautiful Woman in the World

2005-01-06T09:43:00.000-07:00

So when men are using the ever-so-seductive pick up lines to gain access to a phone number or maybe a drink with the objects of the evenings desire, it is my contention that they may want to woo the woman with the truth rather than a blatant lie.

Take for instance a story hot off the presses from a night out with my girls (and a boy) last week. Lisa, Marla, Becky, Sean and I were enjoying some very questionable jokes and a few buckets of beer at a seedy little restaurant when I felt an icy stare coming from a decent looking, well groomed man at the bar. I thought nothing about it at first however after looking at him for a moment, I wondered what he might be thinking just staring at me like that.

After a few Ultra Lights, Lisa decided it was time to head to the head when she was stopped by this curious gentleman on her way. He explained to her that he would like to meet her friend, the little blond in the corner. As they talked and continued to look over at me, I wondered what Lisa might be telling him. As I suspected, Lisa still headed to the head and I was in wait.

As she returned she began to explain that Greg, a machinist for an Airline was in his mid 30’s and extremely interested in meeting me. While this was a nice gesture, it was what she said next that threw the whole situation into the abyss with certainty of never being recovered. She explained that he said, and she quoted, “Tell her I think she is the most beautiful girl in the world and I want to meet her.” Now, while this might be flattering to most, I took this as a complete fraud. To lie to someone so blatantly just to get a phone number is out right wrong. Especially when I was wearing little makeup, ripped jeans and a sweatshirt.

I am not a total bitch I swear, however I am relatively in tune with the world around me and I know for a fact.....a genuine fact, that I am not, nor will I ever be the most beautiful girl in the world. This is not to say that I have a very low self-esteem. In the past 8 months I have found a certain level of self esteem for which I had never known existed and I am aware that I am a smart and dare I say, cute person with a lot to offer...however that being said, I am NOT the most beautiful woman in the world. The fact that he was so determined to say something that he thought would flatter me to giving up my phone number on the spot was not only absurd, it was insulting. If he had said, “I think your friend is really good looking and I would like to meet her.” Or “I have an interest in your cute friend over there, could you introduce us?” I may have bought his line and ventured to shake his hand at least, however the fact that he said such an outrageous statement before even knowing who I am, upset me so much so that I just looked over at him and simply shook my head a very definite “NO”.

A few nights later, I was talking with a long-time guy friend about the situation when I realized the truth of the situation. As I explained the story, my friend said, “You know Sal, you are actually the most beautiful woman I know, even when you’re nuts.” Now this I believe. Given, this guy is someone who has always been there for me (and he has always put up with me being “nuts” without taking away his love), I could take it with a grain of salt however it is what he said next that really drove my point home. “Now, I have seen A LOT of very beautiful women in this world, many much prettier than you in a physical sense, so I wouldn’t tell you that you were the most beautiful woman in the world, but your heart would certainly win some contests.” Which contests, I don’t know since he wasn’t so specific but getting back to my point.

While I am not looking for any sort of validation and I do not wish for anyone to flower me with compliments, I tell you this because it is something men need to know. Fellas, if you want to know what a woman wants to hear when you are asserting your “pick-up lines”, it is this. While you don’t have to be completely truthful in every sense....don’t tell her, “Hey I think you have a great ass but your tits are a little small for my taste”, an honest compliment is the only way to really get to know someone. All we, and “we” meaning single, forward-looking women want is to be dealt with as human beings and to be given a sense of truth in your words that would make us want to listen to what you have to say without reservation. HONESTY is ALWAYS the best policy, no matter what the consequence, especially when it comes to any kind of relationship.

See Ya....

Sorry Mark, You've Been Replaced

2005-01-05T10:16:00.000-07:00

First and foremost, Happy Birthday to my wonderful little Brother, Joe.

Now..............

I finally saw Garden State over the weekend and realized that without Zach Braff....life would be meaningless. But seriously, this guy is amazing. Not only is he funny as hell on Scrubs but he can also act, write, and direct. An all around talented person, and not bad looking either.

But the truth is, you aint seen nothin' until you see Mr. Braff sporting bleach blonde hair, black eyeliner, a tribal tattoo and the tightest black "woman beater" possible in this flick:

The Broken Hearts Club (2000)

I caught this flick last night about a circle of gay friends that offers Zach in a very gay role playing Benji, the drug addicted, boy chaser.

He's talented, smart, witty and not bad lookin' at all. If anyone would like to order the DVD of Garden State for me.......here ya go:

Garden State

I might as well be part of the Crowd

2005-01-04T12:14:00.000-07:00

2004 Bests:
My bro and sis-in-law getting pregnant
Coming home again
D-Day with Ty and Lisa (thanks for making the day easier ladies)
Getting close to my new friends (especially Lisa, Mister, Bear, Michelle and Debi)
Getting close again to my old friends (from Sotho and beyond)
My job at Lockton
Getting my guitar
April 16th

2004 Worsts:
The loss of Madison Charlotte
My Birthday
February 18th and May 25th

Looking forward:
Baby Young in April
Sheila and Ton’s wedding
Vegas for President’s Day and for Sheila’s last shabang
The big 3-0!
New York for my B-day!
Seattle sometime in the summer (here I come Kat!)
Moving out of the hood (so long Butterfly and Rookie)
Playin’ my guitar
Being Single and Fabulous!

The Lone Movie-going Experience

2004-12-29T15:40:00.000-07:00

There are certain films that one is better left to see by one's self. Here is my list:

Chicago - because you finally realize that you've been tapping your leg and the smile on your face tells everyone "this is the best musical I've ever seen!!!! Wow!" and then everyone says you're a nerd
Passion of the Christ - oh the tears, they wouldn't stop I swear
Any chick flick starring JLo or Freddie Prinze Jr - and you probably shouldn't admit that you actually saw it either
Spanglish - I mean it is afterall Adam Sandler in a dramatic roll....I just can't take it
Closer - too depressing for words and makes you double take about your relationship, no matter how new
Dying Young, Steel Magnolias and Perfect Storm - a zillion times and still the tears, oh the tears.....it's embarrassing

Can't think of any more so please......give me your picks for the "Lone Movie-going Experience"

On a different note: I am a Ram....Yes a steadfast and true Ram from CSU and to my nature, I am not a fan of the buffs. In fact, if I were to wish my good friend Jeremy luck today for the game he will be listening to...it would be sac-religious and I could reap consequences from my fellow rams that are unpresidented....HOWEVER.....since the Rams seem to be suckin' ever so much in recent memory....and since my good friend Jeremy always says the best things on my blog...I will wish you good luck Jeremy and tell you that I think you got jipped by not being able to go home sick to watch the game. Damn prostates.......

My Christmas letter sucks

2004-12-28T14:17:00.000-07:00

Every Christmas I get those letters from my friend and my aunt that detail the year past with great excitement and vigor. While I appreciate the gesture and love to learn about the kids with their wrestling matches and church plays and I never get tired of hearing about police chases and traveling to Missouri for the little league tournament, this year I found these letters rather depressing. I mean, let’s just suppose for a moment that I wrote a letter of this nature to send out to all of my liked and loved ones. For 2004, it might go something a little like this....

Dear Loved Ones and Those Liked as well:
Well here we are again, at the close of yet another year and what will be known to this pathetic cat lady as the year from firery hell for the most part (there were many good things to it though really). After signing the divorce papers, I fell violently ill with the influenza that forced me to miss a week of work (without pay) and submit to many an inhaler moments as well as being completely alone trying to take care of myself when I could hardly walk. Fortunately I found a job in Denver and moved back to the mile high city, which only cost me $1,300 and plummeted me into a debtful hell for which my only recourse is to spend more money. And who really cares that I live in the Hood with Butterfly and Rookie and that I went from driving a brand new vehicle to courting the efforts of a KIA. The good news though is that due to the “full custody” clause, I was able to bring both kids back to Denver with me (kids...cats....whatever).

Oh speaking of the kids. Lucy is almost seven now and doing so well. He plays with his chicken each day and just recently has learned to crap on the floor if his mom leaves him alone for more than 24 hours. It is quite a treat to come home to. And Mabel is progressing nicely in her efforts to be a socialized cat. She is almost six now and has started the habit of racing me to the toilet in the morning so that she can jump on the lid and cry the weiniest cry until I hold her. She will not allow me to empty my bladder during the escapade so we are working on other means of lovage.

Back to me though really, because after all, it is ALL about me. After the heart-wrenching breakup of my marriage, I found much solis is drinking every night of the week and twice on Sunday.....since I claim to be Jewish now, I am able to drink twice on Sunday. Anyway, While drinking I did have a chance to party like a rock star on more than one occasion which was nice however once I was left to fend for myself while drunk downtown and found to have what my counselor calls “addictive behavior toward alcohol”, I thought it appropriate to chill the F*** out.

Anyway, I did have a chance to reconnect with some of my great friends and I even connected with some new friends to include crushes as well. It’s been quite fun.

So now the holidays are upon us and besides being totally depressed that I neither have my own family nor anyone special that cares about me to share it with, I am not planning to commit suicide just yet. I take comfort in knowing that this F***ing year is almost over and that I can chuck it up to just another bad memory in Sal’s mediocre life.

May the Hebrew gods smile upon you and may you have the joyous of all holidays....even though my year and life have sucked. See ya.

Love,
Sal, Lucy and Mabel

And what a comforting letter it would be.................
Hey, the truth is, this year was about death of the life that I wasn’t supposed to have, rebirth into my true self and growth beyond all comprehension. I am very proud of who I have become (although I still have lots of work to do of coarse) and I am very thankful to all of my friends and family for being there for me. I couldn’t have asked for a better support system. Thank you so much guys. I love you ALL!

Friend Frenzies

2004-12-27T12:41:00.000-07:00

My girls are in upheival at this point, poor gals. You need my support therefore I will be there tonight at our holiday celebration in true fashion; smilin' in my little Sal way and lendin' an ear.....Don't fret ladies.....The new year is upon us and I know things just have to improve then....I mean, how much worse can it really get? Really?

Debi screwed up on her resume and now may not become a locktonite, she needs cash flow soon....damn shoulder injury!
Lisa is barried in client problems, too much shit to do regarding Christmas presents still and a house that needs MerryMaids pronto
Ty is losing her ass and needs some $$$ fast to get out from under that house and apparently she also needs a helmet for Friday.......WinterPark or Copper baby....just wear a helmet for GAWD sakes!

Christmas of '03 at the Young Home

2004-12-22T12:26:00.000-07:00

Cherished photos of family fun from Cherryville Heights - The finest Trailer Park lodging in the state of Colorado and Sotho's most luxurious digs - - - - - -

Brother Stanford couldn't be with us on the count of his face being recorded on the Bank cam on his way out from making a rather large withdrawal.....seems he didn't exactly have an account at the bank but insisted on the teller giving him the money....It was Christmas Eve and he hadn't started shopping yet after all.

My little sister Skipper had to show off the beautiful watch and new shirt my boyfriend Mark and I got her.

My other two sisters were hard at work cleaning out the bath drain after Uncle Bob threw up....they also had to unclog the commode.....Uncle Bob is going to be ok, as soon as he gets out of Detox....

Hey, there is Uncle Bob now......he loves his job as a Mall Santa.....and what a wonderful role model......He always stuffs the girls stockings with Marlboro Reds and a shot glass from North Dakota.

Here's dad with his 25 year old bride, Tiffany....still in love after all these weeks.....This photo was taken when I caught them out back under the steel piping in Dad's harley shed....

My boyfriend Mark climbing out of the subpump hold....He had to rinse off after running the five miles from the Asian market to bring me those beautiful flowers.......I still can't figure out why that Chinese guy kept yelling after him.......

Sweet Gals, Fun Wedding

2004-12-21T17:26:00.000-07:00

It's Amazing

2004-12-20T16:24:00.000-07:00

How much work I get done when everyone is on vacation

How much work I am given even though everyone is on vacation

How little email I get when everyone is on vacation

That I am going to yet another happy hour tonight even though everyone is on vacation

That I am actually in the Christmas spirit this year even though I am not on vacation

That I wasn't smart enough to take vacation too.......

Habits to kill for the New Year

2004-12-17T11:10:00.000-07:00

Smoking while drinking alcoholic beverages - contrary to popular belief...I do NOT smoke all of the time.....but I do drink a lot of alcoholic beverages (I was never very good at math)

Drinking so many alcoholic beverages - I need a new hobby.

Chewing my fingernails – this is a gross, unprofessional habit that is kind of funny when a carrier barges into my cube and offers a hand ...(although I have those little antibacterial wipes, I laugh and shake his hand without one, knowing that I have just given him the herpes disease I carry around on my lip)...I think maybe I am evil after all......

Going to work without any makeup on – this is a gross, unprofessional habit (no one should have to endure this...it’s purely mean and lazy on my part)

Eating Taco Bell three times a week – Perhaps I will learn my lesson when I contract a terrible infection based on those mythical but grotesque stories told to everyone - Hey, what about those “Myth Buster” guys?.....maybe they know which stories are real. (Taco Bell RAWKS)

Cussing so much in the car – it’s not my fault though because there are a**hole drivers that drive like sh** and make all of us so f***king late for work.....damn b**ches should put their f**king makeup on BEFORE they get into their pieces of sh** cars

Watching Sex and The City re-runs over and over – I think my brain has been warped by manolo blahnik references and the “Big” affair.......(will life ever be as simple as cosmopolitans ‘til dawn, Samantha-style sex-capades, Miranda’s incessant smart ass remarks, and Charlottes ever-hopeful “Happily Ever After” scenarios?) I think NOT!

Less Blogging, More Working.....YEAH right - Gideon's Bible says...then I’ll have to join a band.....and I can’t sing, dance or play an instrument....We’re in trouble.

Happy Habit Breaking to the rest of you....May you have a FABULOUS New Year!

Complaining is the Hen's Way - I'm a Hen

2004-12-16T11:30:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here at my desk, pissed as all hell that I am YET AGAIN doing the job of an associate in my unit while he is off skiing in Vail or something. And the thing is, it’s not as if he is the CEO or in any management position for that matter....he’s just a lazy bastard! I have been called in on more than one occasion to share my thoughts on this moron with his superiors. And believe me, I am not shy in sharing my opinion. He’ll be lucky if he lasts for six more months....well not really since Lockton is famous for “counseling” associates to improve (cheaper to discipline and keep people rather than fire, rehire and train). Of course, I am sure he is saying to himself after one of the most recent “peer counseling” sessions, “I will kick my own ass into gear as soon as the New Year arrives. Right now is for Powder and later is for cleaning up my act. At least by the New Year, Sally will have filed away all my shit, prepared any upcoming PowerPoint presentations for the upcoming renewals (of which I will claim to be my own) and she will have cleaned up all of my presentation messes so I can coast and start fresh. With my new ‘Counseling checksheet’ in hand, I will be better...later”

(The moral of the story though it this: I am YET AGAIN doing his job while he is off skiing in Vail or Something.....SMART F***king Bastard!!).....truth be told, I would be doing the same thing if I was as smart as this F***king Bastard!

The Seeds of Change

2004-12-15T10:54:00.000-07:00

When you are in elementary school, you try to seem tough so that the boys will let you play 500 for the mere chance that one of them might tackle you and you can sneak them a kiss on the cheek. When you are in junior high you go to the rec center to play basketball, wearing makeup so that the cute boys will notice you while they are vying to be “court king”. (Note: when you are trying to get a boy to notice you and you look that good, you shouldn’t actually beat them in the game....this makes them angry and then they will not ask you out for fear their friends will tease them that their girlfriend plays better ball than them) Then you get excited to stay at a girlfriends house because you know her parents will let you stay out after the street lights come on to play hide-and-seek with the boys from the neighborhood.

All of this time you watch as your friends’ interests change. You see them grow.....the boys getting that “manly” look to them, the girls becoming beautiful and fragile. In high school you talk about things like parties on the weekend, test scores and grades to get into a good college and you dream of finding the perfect mate to make the whole dream complete.

Then, in a flash, you wake up and realize that your life has begun and you and your friends are all older and in the middle of what you once had only dreamed would be. The thing is though, suddenly you realize that much of what has happened to you, wasn’t supposed to happen at all. You look around and realize that life has tangled a web for you as well as your friends....much of it, you never remember planning that way.

I woke up this morning, early....lying there and thinking about my life and the friends I have around me. I am sure that so much of what has happened to them, as I think of in my own life, wasn’t part of the “big” plan. There are marriages, divorces, travels and moves for jobs....there are kids and report cards, wedding showers and baby showers....there are hirings and firings.....and now there are deaths. I guess I understood that there would be hard times for me and my friends along the way, however I just never imagined so long ago that I would be there to watch one of my dearest friends say goodbye to his own baby because God chose a different path for her. I guess I just didn’t realize that all this time, life has been treading along and I along with it. When did life become so much more than hoping I would get asked to the spring dance or whether my mom would let me off grounding to go to that party at Casey’s house? When did we stop playing soccer and start coaching it? When did my friends stop calling to go to the mall and start calling to attend a dinner party at a colleague’s house? When did we stop talking about how cute the boys were and start quoting our daughter’s first grade teacher?

I yearn for a simpler time now.....so that for just a moment I could help alleviate the pain that my dear friend is feeling. I wish that life wasn’t so crass...that the things we hold dear were not so complicated. I miss the times of passing the note to that desirable boy that says simply, “Will you go out with me? Yes, No or Maybe (circle one)” instead of playing the ever-seductive emotional withholding game. I wish that the biggest hurt we felt now was the loss to Thomas Jefferson because we know how much they suck. I wish instead of getting up to go to work each day, we were off to the “cows” for another Senior Ditch Day. I wish our lives were complicated with worries about grades and chores rather than kids and healing from tragedy.

Life has and will continue to throw us these curve balls...this of which I am positive. Fortunately, along the way we can look around to see our friends and family and know that we are loved, supported and although there may be very bad times ahead, the good times will be there too. Marriages will happen, babies will be born, holiday parties will be a cause for celebration, job opportunities will knock and the circle of life will forever imbed the true journey in us all.

To Ryan, Jessica, Tyler, Matthew and the whole Tracy Family: May God embrace you now and help you to heal and find peace in Madison's passing. Madison Charlotte Tracy is a perfect angel in heaven now, watching over you and you will dance with her in heaven too some day.
God Bless her and each and every one of you.

My Christmas Wish

2004-12-10T11:00:00.000-07:00

Peace and healing for the Tracy family
A healthy niece/nephew and healthy babies for my friends who are expecting
Love and Blessings for all of my friends and family near and far, new and old......
The wishes of friends, family and those who aren’t as fortunate to come true.....
A gift certificate to King Soopers for Cheryl (this senior citizen from the Salvation Army who’s depending on it for a good Christmas)
The Men and Women in Iraq to come home
Continued happiness and growth
And a secret wish for only me to know.........

May you all feel the love and spirit of Christmas and get all that your hearts desire.

Your Assistance is Appreciated

2004-12-09T12:51:00.000-07:00

Five Undecideds

In my football pool each week, my friend "Patrick" helps me out on my picks. While I take careful consideration of his choices, I am also relatively confident in my ability to pick winners, sometimes anyway ( I have won two different weeks this season so far - out of 33 people). Since I am having a bit of difficulty deciding on some of this week's games and I haven't heard from "Patrick"...(although I am still waiting on you Patrick for the final results), I thought I would get your opinions too. (Especially those of you from the Sotho that are athletically inclined, hot as all get-out, and opinionated as hell......)

Giants at Baltimore (leaning toward Baltimore but they did get spanked by Cincinnati last week by that 24 point 4th quarter rally)
Oakland at Atlanta (both coming off of losses last week)
Seattle at Minnesota (Seattle choked with 1 minute to go Monday night and the Vikings got beat by Chicago)
San Francisco at Arizona (both suck pretty much)
The Rams at Carolina (both coming off of wins last week)

.....this is for the glory at the end of the season....I am currently in 11th place out of 33 (down from the all time high of 2nd earlier this season - scores are accumulative by-the-way) so I need another win this week! Thanks for your help guys and have a great Thursday!

The Eternal Question

2004-12-08T10:45:00.000-07:00

Thinking about life as it sails by, I thought it time for a discussion of all discussions. I hope all ya all men will appreciate the discussion.

Boxers versus Briefs. That’s right. Which is better is the eternal question. Now, I am most certainly a boxer believer however with the brief shying away from the days of the Tighty Whities, it may just depend on the ergonomics of the brief itself as to if a competition is truly eminent.

.....i.e. the ones Mark Wahlberg wore for Calvin Klein. (Yum)

Here’s what wearing one, the other or the hybrid means to you guys: (Article by Daniel Billett)

Briefs
Briefs have a bad rap. One must distinguish between the BVDs, Fruit of the Looms, Hanes, etc you wore when you were 10 and more upscale brands.
These better brands would include 2xist, Cin2, Calvins, DKNY, etc. And they aren’t just white and cotton anymore; you can get them in a variety of colors and fabrics. If you haven’t considered briefs in a while, check them out.
Oh, and if you are over the age of 15 and still wearing those BVDs or Fruit of the Looms, throw them out and go shopping! According to some trusted female friends, they are a deal breaker.

Boxer-Briefs
Boxer briefs (and mini boxer briefs) seem to be worn by athletic types or guys who don’t like briefs and don’t like how regular boxers have so much fabric. I asked several of my guy friends about this and they say they like them because they are comfortable, conforming and offer support. Again, they come in quite a wide variety of fabrics and colors.

Boxers
Clearly these seem to be the underwear of choice for most men. Peer pressure! However, this does not excuse boxers with juvenile prints, slogans and anything at all from Joe Boxer. If they have holes in them, are from a past girlfriend or have stains on them … please, throw them out!
The general word is that boxers are sexy (mostly because they cover up a lot and leave something for the imagination). Also, according to a friend of mine, if there was a fire in the middle of the night and you had to run out of the house, you would rather run out in boxers than briefs since they a somewhat shorts like. Anything else would be embarrassing.
Then we have less mainstream options.

Then there is part two of the eternal question: What about the thong vs the granny panty? For obvious reasons, there is really no need for discussion.......

Refesca tu sed de musica

2004-12-07T10:37:00.000-07:00

Lisa: You may want to remember to fill your gas tank BEFORE midnight when it’s FREEZING girlfriend......but no worries, I would drive through blizzards, hurricanes, tornados, floods, whatever to help you out....that’s what friends are for and that’s what kind of friend you are to me......And thanks for winning Beer Bingo....The bucket was great! (And yes, date the Frenchman...it’s only a date, plus you need to find out if that Pepe LePew accent is fake)
Matthew: Thank you for the shirt off your back quite literally......you are a good man...now I don’t feel so left out.
Bill (the sales guy, not my bro): I am not evil......I am just crazy......Enjoy that drive through Glenwood Canyon.....
Mesa Airlines Maintenance Managers that smell like deli sandwiches: There are worse things to smell like in life...don’t be sad, sammiches are nothing to be ashamed about, especially deli sammiches...
French Canadians with Broken Arms and orange casts to go with: I don’t care if your accent is fake...I mean....I believe you are from Quebec and all but come on.....I’m sure it works for the hookup though......
Beamer man......My car isn't as great as a BMW or a Corvette but I got style...ok, maybe not but whatever......
Matt Hassleback and the rest of the Seahawks....you are lucky that Mark had 11 and I had 12 going into last nights game because at least I won on points......damn suckas.....with one minute left you let them score....you were at home for gosh sakes.....you are lucky, that’s all I have to say...
To all the buns in the oven (and it seems there are many of you): All of your parents are so excited that you will be here as I am. We can’t wait to love you and adore you......Congrats to the Mommies and Daddies-To-Be!

Some weekends are for Babies and Movies

2004-12-06T13:15:00.000-07:00

This weekend offered an array of different environments for this weary traveler. From trivia in Sotho with the Bear and the Poker-Playin’ saint and beers downtown with a rather grumpy Floridian on Friday night to a baby shower at Chatfield Reservoir and beers back in Sotho with a few native Sothonians on Saturday...I was traveling’ the I-25 corridor like no other. This is why I appreciate my Sunday movie marathon so much. This Sunday’s chic flick play list: Shrek 2 (pretty funny and recommended), Dying Young (cry every time especially when I hear the story behind “The Kiss” by Gustav Klimt
– my favorite painting), Sweet Home Alabama, and Thelma and Louis. Enough estrogen to make your head spin.......

The Baby Experience:
The thing about baby showers is that attending one gives a single gal without children a whole plethora of different emotions. First you feel a little overwhelmed when there are seven said children from five months to 6 years old screaming and running around everywhere. Then you feel a little left out because you are one of the only ones there without a said child. Then you feel relieved when you are not the one that has to deal with the misbehaviors of a said child. But then you feel weary when you realize that the said child is part of a loving family that you do not have. Then you feel sure you want a said child because of all the cute baby clothes the mommy-to-be gets. Then a huge breath of assurance comes over you because you are not the one has to change the stinky diaper of a said baby while he’s kicking and screaming.

In the end though...., no matter how tough, waning or exhausting it may look from the outside, you feel pretty sad that you are not the one that has a said child running around everywhere, misbehaving while you try to change his diaper as he is kicking and screaming. The truth is.....with one look from a child, your whole world can change colors and the entire world goes silent as you gaze into those innocent eyes. The love of a child is like no other love in the whole world (at least this is what all of my parental friends tell me)......children are a wonderful, beautiful blessing and parenting is surely a trip I want to take....I am so looking forward to the adventure...maybe not now or next month or even next year, but eventually anyway!

Author Unknown????

2004-12-03T11:33:00.000-07:00

Since I am not a big fan of forwarding email, I thought I would share this letter I received yesterday from a friend on this platform. It's a bit funny so enjoy and have a great weekend!

Dear Alcohol,
First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer with the game, and you're even around in the holidays hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences, briefed below for your review.

1.) Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not what to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2.) Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a kabob with chili sauce, along with a big Italian hoagie & some stale chips (washed down with chocolate Nesquik & topped off with a Kit-Kat all after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3.) Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day is beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4.) Pictures: This can be a blessing in disguise, as it can often clarify the last point below, but the following costumes are banned from ever being placed on my head in public again: Indian wigs, sombreros,bows, ties, boxes, upside-down cups, infltable balloon animals, traffic cones, or bras. Also, what is with you making me take pictures with people I clearly don't like when I'm sober? Yet they suddenly become my best friends when a flash is presented?

5.) Beer Goggles: If I think I may know him/her from somewhere, I most likely do not. Please do not request that I go over & see if in fact, I do actually know that person. Please stop me from talking to the guy/girl with the crooked teeth; acned-up face; bad breath beerbelly, etc. Why are they so appealing to me while I'm with you & why are they so disgusting to me the next morning after you have worn off??

6.) Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to bed/passing out facedown on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities. Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

> Thank you,
> Your biggest fan

"Panama" would have been funner than the Valley

2004-12-02T12:22:00.000-07:00

I was looking through an old photo album when I came upon Spring Break ’88. Sheila, Cheree and I enjoyed being 18, being able to buy 3.2 beer right before the laws changed. We were like so proud to be partying in the Valley with Sammy Hagar before he clipped his stache and the Cabana Boys (Mike and Steve – both working their way through college by stewarding sail boats off the beach at Laguna Beach) were only too happy to be cohorting with such hot chicks. They were like the coolest college guys ever.

This picture was taken just before the great Michael Jackson dance off. I won with my one-wrist twang and the shuffle kick and turn that made “Beat It” so famous. Then the Cabana Boys really enjoyed my “Thriller” moves. Kenny Loggins was my fav back then before I got back stage with Sammy, Eddie, Alex and the rest of the crew. Then I like had to be in the know with like Van Halen, White Snake and Warrant. It was such a rad party. My friend Lisa made some jungle juice for the rest of the crew while the Cabana Boys enjoyed some crazy drink called _______....yeah, it’s been so long I forgot. All I know is that when the party really got started, the shit they brought stained the crap out of the carpets and chairs with orange vengence. Lisa was pissed.

AHHH, memories....like the corner of my mind........

Yeah, Merry Drama-Maidens are out this season!

2004-12-01T14:58:00.000-07:00

First thing is first. I come in to work today after a very successful client meeting to find that my very good friend “Patrick” (I must protect the identity of my sources) got the pink slip upon walking into the office this morning and in a VERY rude way so here it is: ......”Patrick”: You got SCREWED! You are too amazing to waste your time on the constant drama of that office. If the green and yellow paint couldn’t calm them down, you may have had to call a lion tamer eventually anyway. Your efforts were underappreciated and any company would be MORE than lucky to have you! You are a great supervisor and better, you are a tremendous friend! If it wasn’t for you for those long months before my move, I would have been spending much of my time biting my face and chasing my own ass around a padded room in that facility just off of I-5 and Northgate! I can’t thank you enough for being there for me...I really do appreciate it!
So my friend, lift your head high and smile because you are rid of Queen Chaos and her Merry Drama-Maidens. And take it from me...it feels good to get away!! Love ya and wish you all the best in finding something better and more suited for your character....you deserve the best! (Oh, and don’t forget....there’s always the Mile High City if your sick of the Sound)

Some girls have all the luck

2004-11-30T11:20:00.000-07:00

The red dot?.....not too far from the truth.......Thanks to my Mister anyway......

While the Thanksgiving Holiday offered mine a fabulous time with friends and family including Yazee all night with my bro and sister (bro won of course, as he always has my whole life in any gamed event).....I watched my great friend Sheila tackle 3 very dirty martini's, some rather drunk but very funny fellows from Sotho and beyond play some pretty impressive poker and Thanks to those rather good-looking men giving me hugs all night....Some girls have all the luck. So on Saturday there was some game called "Shut the box" or something that took at least some of the boredom away from the second and thankfully final Thanksgiving dinner of the weekend. Unfortunately, my luck ran out a bit abruptly on Saturday evening when I suddenly contracted the evil and unrelenting temperament of a cold sore from hell. Now that I look like I let Tyson take his best shot at me, I am in utter embarrassment that I actually have to go to work and somehow look professional in a presentation to a client tomorrow morning looking like I got my bottom lip caught in a very zealous vacuum tube. No worries though because contagious I am not however hideous? Well, now that is a word to which I am growing accustomed. Have a great Tuesday!

Happiest Holidays Ever!

2004-11-24T19:44:00.000-07:00

I wanted to take a moment to tell the constituency all of things I have to be thankful for this wonderful Holiday:

My brother and sister-in-law, their undying love to each other (making me believe that true love really can be found) and them giving me a little niece or nephew to love and adore next spring

My gram and gramps and seeing the possibilities of growing old gracefully

Family, near and far

The fact that this year I will not be all alone, in a meager apartment in Seattle eating PastaRoni and drinking BudLight while watching The Wizard of OZ for Thanksgiving dinner.

Lisa calling to wish me a wonderful day with my family and reminding me how terrific it is to have great friends who support and love me just the way I am

My friends from Sotho and beyond, old and new (Thanks for your support and friendship......back then, now and always!)

My job at Lockton, a great place to call home

Not being married to that person for the rest of my life....God does work in mysterious ways

My dad and I getting close again

Feeling like I am finally on my way to peace in my heart and healing in my soul

My education

Living in a country of Free Speech and choice; Bush or no Bush, The United States of America is still the most wonderful place to live on earth!

So much more that I could go on and on and on and on..........Happy Thanksgiving Everyone, Have the best turkey-day ever!

Where is the Social Decency in the World?

2004-11-22T11:07:00.000-07:00

I don’t know....I looked all over the place upon reaching my apartment this morning. When I got out of my car. When I walked by the dumpster. I looked under the stairs and in the cabinets in the kitchen and the bathroom. I looked under the bed. I even looked around every corner I passed on my way in to work. I just can’t find where in the hell we have left our common decency for our fellow man. I’m disappointed but not defeated. I know it is here somewhere....

Yes, as we have all learned, this cat has something to say about everything at one time or another and this weekend’s brawl between a few over-zealous, beer-throwing and probably drunk fans and the already tarnished Ron Artest is no exception.

Not having been able to watch the brawl live, I was fortunate enough to have caught the highlights of this demeaning act on ESPN’s Sports Center last night. And all I can say is.....Where as all the sportsmanship gone? We have accepted the brawls in hockey as an added value to our watching pleasure and the rush of the batter to the pitcher’s mound makes a great game when baseball’s running long. A great “unsportman’s like” hit or a crushing blow to the abdomen to a receiver to take him out indefinitely in football is certainly condoned if not expected. But now we have professional basketball players rushing the crowd, throwing “haymakers” at anyone standing within 10 feet of the court. Is there any safe venue anymore?

All I can say is, come on fellas.....isn’t there any decency left in this over-paying, media-crazed, endorsement-thirsty professional sports environment? I guess it is probably a rarity to find young gentlemen among the thugs-turned-heroes in today’s society of rude, disrespectful youth.

I believe that being talented (and fortunate) enough to play professional sports affords these men very little latitude when it comes to acting out. Being paid millions of dollars to run up and down the court is not the only job description and apparently the sight of what’s real here has been lost. I grew up, even as a young lady, wanting to be a big star in Tennis or Basketball. While I new I wasn’t talented enough to ever play professionally, I looked up to heroes like John Stockton, Scottie Pippen and Chris Everett to learn about sportsman-like conduct and if ever I though a fist, pushed an opponent or threw a racquet, I was reprimanded and threatened with sitting for the remainder of the game. This threat, while idol in high school, was still enough to want me to play the right way, because I knew the difference between right and wrong and I used sports as a way to learn about diversity and temperament. Controlling one’s temper, while very challenging at times, it what makes a good athlete a great athlete.

Perhaps the youth of today’s professional sports should be required, prior to presenting themselves as endorsement worthy, to take an ethics class as well as one of these anger-management classes. Maybe then, and only then, would they be worthy of being called a role model.

I believe that Ron Artest should be banned from the game. My premise is this, souly based on his request to take time off from the game to pursue his “R&B” career and the fact that this ticking time-bomb is set to go off time and time again, there needs to be severe consequences to wade this phenomenon from continuing. He is obviously not full-hearted in the game and the fact that he is teaching my future child that “haymakers” resolve all....means he is not worthy of my ticket, shoe or jersey money......Let’s get back to a simpler time and stop accepting these thugs as “professional” because all they really stand for is the big word....LIABILITY...not only for team lawyers but for the children we want to raise to play sports in the true spirit of athleticism.

The Sad Song....

2004-11-19T16:37:00.000-07:00

[Stop] spreadin' the news, I'm [not] leavin' today
I [wanted] to be a part of it, New York, New York
These vagabond shoes, [were] longing to stray
Right through [my] very heart of it, New York, New York
I [wanted] to wake up in a city that [didn't] sleep
And find I'm [queen] of the hill - now I'm [bottom] of the heap
These little town blues, are [here] to stay
I [was] gonna make a brand new start of it, in old New York
Now that I [can't] make it there, I [can't] make it anywhere
It's [no longer] up to you, New York ......New York

Drinkin' Makes Me an Ass

2004-11-19T10:45:00.000-07:00

Last night’s Warren Miller flick was ‘da bomb especially in light of that great quote....
It goes something like this: “If you can afford to pay for college yourself, you don’t need to go”......Sorry mister, I called it you know.....

Five beers later and an exhausting walk home for one gentleman with the tip for playin’ it cool, I woke up still drunk with the distinct feeling I may have made a slight ass of myself....not the first time of coarse but certainly no cause for celebration. Now I think I may have dreamed the whole thing, considering I’m the only one willing to admit I was there......I have a crazy imagination cause I swear I saw Jenn, Charlotte, Shaun, little 4 year old Richard and Warren with someone......What the hell just happened? I have to stop drinkin’.....seriously!

So ski season is officially upon us and it is time for this loser to get her sticks out, ride the white powder wave and sing Rusted Root until nobody can take it no more.....drum roll please.....

Seriously, I NEED to win this trip!

2004-11-18T16:48:00.000-07:00

At work, we are having a raffle drawing to go to:

For New Years Eve......Along with tickets to a Broadway show and a stay at a hotel right in Times Square.......Need 'ta win this one......Keep your fingers crossed for me and the B man to go to NYC this NYE.....GLTU and ATJ and ALPWH either........

The Coffee Sucks Here

2004-11-17T14:00:00.000-07:00

So I am so freakin' tired.....Do you know what goes into putting on a measly 2 and 1/2 hour seminar for a bunch of clients that care less about the actual content than they do about poor Sarah's hair or the fact the coffee wasn't that great? (Sarah, your hair is beautiful and that guy is a tool - really; in his "additional topics" he would like to see in the future is "terrible coffee" - - -Can you READ dude? Anyway, It takes two weeks of regular work hours and two 12-hour days and no sleep two nights before on a count of you worrying your ass off because you are not sure if you made enough handouts or if the evalation forms were printed correctly. Oh, and then once you get there an hour early for preparation (leaving your house to arrive at 6:45 - that would be AM).....you set everything up, smile your ass off as clients enter and then you have to watch all the clients eat while you screw around with the projector because it doesn't seem to be working and you are starving like no other because you were too tired after working a 12 hour day yesterday to eat last night. Where's my slimfast again?

Pepsi Center coffee sucks...I guess (I drank tea so I wouldn't know but from this guy's evaluation, it is "terrible")..... but man, show some appreciation.....You just got a free meal: scrambled eggs, hash browns, bacon, sticky buns, muffins and fruit and you just got away from your boss' boss for like four hours if you still take your lunch. What more can you ask for? Ok, well, I will give you a break since you could not, as I did, watch Carmelo shoot around while vigorously adjusting his drawstrings......(Practice starts only when he reaches the court by the way, and by the look of his stroll, he is the last to arrive daily). Must suck to have a job where you arrive in your sweats at 10 am, run the court shooting hoops for about an hour and then you must give those stupid camera interviews for the next hour.......It's sucks being a star....but I admit I wanted to head to the court to see if I could snag an autograph.......no balls though, I mean me......And the attention I might have gotten wearing this classy brown suit. Oh well.....maybe next time.

Looking forward to vegging tonight and sleeping maybe? Yeah, Pepsi Center coffee won't get me down......I did a damn good job anyway......

Weekend? Schmeekend........

2004-11-15T11:27:00.000-07:00

First things first: Contratulations to Jeremy and Amy and Welcome Conor! Can't wait to meet him!

This weekend entailed only a minimal amount of stimuli for this wacky gal......
A surprise birthday party for my sweet, beautiful and glowing sister. Her tummy is growing that baby just right! I can't wait until April....
Then dinner at High Tide Saturday night with my cousin......we don't recommend the blackened tuna and the fries with the Fish and Chips were spiced real weird...good iced-tea though...I had four (and not the fun kind....just the southern kind).
Other than a lazy couple of days and a disturbing late night phone call from one very drunk Floridian......not much to report....

But hey, here's a shout out for all my poker-playin' buddies....interesting who will take the plunge:
LONDON (AP) - Yevgeny Kafelnikov, [Russian and former number one] says he's given up tennis to become a professional poker player........Everyone's getting some action huh?

Will the Real Sally Please Step Forward

2004-11-12T12:49:00.000-07:00

When someone reflects on their life, I am sure they are supposed to be older and should have lived a bit of life before they take an inventory on those things they did correctly, not-so-well and the things they should or shouldn't have done. As some of those who know me are aware, unfortunately the last two years of my life have offered me a lot of negative emotions and concerns as well as obstacles of adversity. Believe me, I don't presume to be an expert like Dr. Phil or know the perils to which others have sacrificed their own hearts so my disclaimer here is only to share what I think I have learned recently and share it as a look inside of me for those who might want to know me better. I don't presume to have lived long enough of my life to really understand the perils to which I have been defined however the fact that I have finally woken up after what seems like the longest slumber of my life, I have realized that there are many things I have learned that I can apply to my life moving forward. Because of these realizations, I am able to offer at least a bit of reflection that people really can change....it's just a matter of perspective.

When people lose a part of their lives, whether it be a marriage or a career or something that has defined them for a period of time, there needs to be a time for grief and healing. I went through this with vigor, drinking as much as my body could handle, partying until the wee hours, drowning in my own sorrow and pity and trying to erase the memories of a heartbreak I thought would never occur. The truth is though; I think we all know in some sense when our hearts are headed for quick sand. We can pretend to exist in a world that is not ours because we think it is expected of us or because we believe we belong there for only so long until the truth of our souls creep into the equation, allowing those around us to see the "real" person inside. I tried to be something I wasn't in so many situations for so long that I could not even pinpoint my true identity among all of the facades I had cultivated for others, until now.

Once the smoke cleared and the alcohol ran dry (quite literally) and I took a long look in the mirror of reality, I began to understand that I chose to make my life what it is. I chose to stand in front of all of those people to declare vows to a man that I knew would not honor them. I chose the path of least resistance in school because I was afraid of failure or worse, of success....not because I was necessarily afraid of the success part but because for some reason, I didn't think I deserved it. I chose to be someone I wasn't because I didn't like who I was....or better, I thought I didn't like who I was. I chose to carry around anger and hatred half my life blaming two people that, if they had not given me breath and the adversities I faced, I would not be the person I am today let alone even in existence.

Once recognized, I believe one can change their perception on life in general thus rewriting their destiny. Because I chose those things and the way in which I dealt with them, I can now choose to grow from them. I can choose to learn from past experiences and take the good and bad and turn them into my own salvation. That is what growth is all about. I don't presume to be a different person all together but I do propose that I am better for all of the challenges I have faced and overcome. The fact that I can now see the truth of my heart without impression or reluctance is evidence that growth can be cultivated out of the worst kinds of situations. I used to feel like my life and those adversities I faced were nothing compared to the plights of others who have seen and done some gruesome things but we all face different drudgeries in our journey of life....to the degree in which they effect us, is what makes them unique to each of us.

The reason I open this Pandora's box is that sometimes when we are afraid to admit our mistakes or accept our realities, we alienate those we wish were closest in our hearts. I believe in the goodness in people and I want to live my life by standards higher than those I was raised with. It is my contention that by allowing people to see the true nature of one's heart and soul, we allow ourselves even the opportunity to feel love in a capacity we never thought possible. I only offer this simple analogy: When you open your heart to possibilities unfathomable to you because you are scared, you take a chance of finding a life of clarity, truth, and happiness. When you risk the things most important to you (your heart, your soul), whether it comes out in your favor or not, you learn to open the doors of growth and you might possibly become a better person for it.....in fact, you most certainly will become a better person for it. Remember that it is all a matter of perspective.

Things To Do Before I Die

2004-11-12T08:56:00.000-07:00

(Not necessarily in this order of coarse)
Complete a Half Marathon
Grow old with an amazing man
Have babies and grandbabies
Make peace with my mom
Get closer to my dad
Learn to speak Spanish
Learn how to play the guitar and the violin
Travel to Spain, Germany, Italy, France, Russia and Egypt
Write a book
Forgive myself for not growing up sooner, figuring it out and let go of old ghosts and demons
Own a great house that my kids will call home all of their lives
Go to Law School or at least get my master's
Submit a letter to the editor
Buy a pair of Manolo Blahnik's
Understand that life is like Skydiving: you just never know until you jump....it may be full of the greatest risks you'll ever take but the rush is definitely worth the ride!!!

Honor Thy Asses!

2004-11-10T14:07:00.000-07:00

I would venture to guess that some of my constituency may be a bit confused as to why I have yet to really comment on the defeat heard ‘round the world last week. It is my contention that those who grieve must do so in the privacy in their own cubicles, homes, cars, or what-have-you. Perhaps it was my utter disbelief that the popular vote went to that Texas Ass or maybe it was the time needed to research my move to Canada for the next four years, but I just couldn’t bring myself to comment on this tragedy until now.

Now that it has been a full week, my misery has subsided and I can now look at the brightside: No longer will I have week-nights filled with loneliness since I will be working 15 hour days to pay the taxes I will reap in reward of the trillion dollar deficit. Oh and I can take comfort in knowing I will be at Lockton for the REST of my life since I will be unable to retire because Social Security will be completely depleted in 20 years. Of coarse I can always take solis in the fact that I will eventually die sooner than later of some debilitating disease for which there is a cure but I will not be able to afford it since there will be no real relief in healthcare premiums (or perhaps I will get Parkinson’s but probably Alzheimer’s since it runs in my family and not have a chance in hell because stem cell research is wiped out). And let’s not forget about the most important thing, that I can spend what little time I will have left, after working 15 hour days, fighting off my debilitating disease and weeping with my cousin because he cannot marry his Soul Mate, Mark, watching the news to hear that yet another young American soldier has died so that a gas pipeline can be built through the war-ravaged country of Iraq and the Saudi’s can continue to own 7% of our country.......

Boy, thanks Republicans.....Due to the confusion my life has offered up in the last year or so, I wasn’t exactly sure how I was going to spend the next 60 years. I thought I might have the opportunity to actually find the RIGHT person and settle into a real life with a tremendous man and have babies and maybe find a way to raise them in a society of good education, prominent healthcare and a bettering environment but low and behold, I was wrong and I just so appreciate you pointing it out for me. As long as you’re in office....my map is mapped. Obama...take me away........

Working, working, working.....sobbing, sobbing, sobbing....At least I know the direction of my life for the next four years anyway.

What a Weekend

2004-11-08T14:09:00.000-07:00

Congrats to the happy Couple!

Friday's Chinese Buffet for the rehearsal followed by some stinky burps due to the pony keg and getting my ass kicked in Yazee was entertaining.....
Saturday's Wedding preparation of putting out fires in the morning and encountering the cute firefighters in the evening, flip-flops of elegance and dancing with my two-year-old boyfriend was the bomb.
And then the perfect tie-up to a great weekend....Marathon Sunday once again watching movies with my talented, not-to-mention great-looking, great guitar playing friend......! And what a clean house!

Things I don’t really understand

2004-11-04T18:15:00.000-07:00

My alien resident friend and her flaming gay boyfriend that feels her up
Why people actually voted for Bush
The fact that I am as sweet as I am but nobody has snatched me up – (ok, so sweet is reaching a bit)
My brother’s love for the republican spirit
My mom
Why all shredded cheese does not come in those re-sealable containers
Lucy
My crazy friend Lisa thinking she is republican.....seriously Lisa, republican is beneath you....
How in the world Bush won Ohio, aren’t you people sick of being unemployed???
The movie Eyes Wide Shut
The marriage between Esther Butterfield and Milo Davis (not sure who exactly they are either)
Why people at work think I am the only Democrat here....there is some sort of conspiracy going on here......I know it...I can tell....they are all crazy......seriously, there is something going on....am I paranoid? What are they talking about.....I know they are talking about me.....

Sometimes Life Just Isn't Fair

2004-11-03T17:10:00.000-07:00

Today's The Day.....I Voted....Did you?

2004-11-02T09:13:00.000-07:00

I wonder what it would be like to:

2004-11-01T13:14:00.000-07:00

Play in the Super bowl, World Series or Stanley Cup
Go on a date with Theo Epstein, Mark Walberg or Trent Green
Believe in anyone again
Pilot a helicopter
Free fall from Le Viaduc de Millau in France, The highest bridge in the world
Spend five days with someone interesting in Spain
Drive a Porsche on the Audubon
Ski the powder in the Swiss Alps
Make love on a subway while Phil Collins sings in the background
Take a train across the country
Live in Alaska without running water or electricity for a month
Have a real conversation in English with Lucy
Make out with a cute boy at a Phish concert
Be invited to Trista and Ryan's house for dinner
Trust anyone again
Work at NASA for a day....Work at the White House for a day....Work at the NYSE for a day
Invent the cure for cancer and AIDS
Fall in love with someone who actually feels the same way....at the same time
Travel around the world in 80 Days
Be normal again
Win a Pulitzer
Make $999K a year
Sleep the whole night through
Travel in Time (I'd go back to the time of Jesus and meet Mary Magdalene)
Storm the beach at Normandy
Become the 1st female President

Stars align to Say Kerry will Win?

2004-11-01T08:26:00.000-07:00

I participate in a football pool at work where we predict the winner of every game every week and the person with the most wins...wins. Seems simple enough however this season has certainly offered some upsets and some big surprises - Like Kansas City bouncing back from a very disappointing season start and then there is Cincinnati who has shown some real challenge to some very good teams. I have won the pool once by a mere point, however in the last three weeks, my predictions have fallen somewhat short. This week has been no exception. With only 4 of 13 correct picks from yesterday's disastrous turnout, my disappointment precludes tonight's MNF game. At least I have one thing going for me...Kerry could win the election now....maybe.

"If history holds, the 28-14 result portends a victory for Kerry on Tuesday because the result of the Redskins' final home game before the presidential election has always accurately predicted the White House winner. If the Redskins win, the incumbent party wins. If they lose, the incumbent party is ousted. " That's right, I may not be taking home the victory in the football pool this week but at least I still have hope. Thank goodness I picked Green Bay to defeat those Redskins. At least I got that one right.

Upon waking on my "Christmas Day" tomorrow morning, I will be anxiously ready to cast my ballot for the promise of a new beginning in our country. My hopeful heart will be thinking of nothing else but the chance of our boys and girls coming home from this "Wrong War at the Wrong Time" and the opportunity for the democrats of this country to once again fix what the Republicans have sewn. (Well, not all Republicans because Reagan was a damn good President but overall we seem to come out of four years with any republican in some sort of war and with so much debt, our eyes and ears bleed. )

Alls I'm sayin' about the pool is that it helps to have the stars on our side too, just in case this election is as close as it's being predicted. And at least Michael Moore is gunning to make this election a fair (or at least as fair as the electoral college will allow) one by putting hundreds of cameras outside of polling places in both Ohio and Florida, both deciding states for this year's election. Thanks Green Bay and thanks Michael, with all of us doing our part, we just might win.

I'll be watching too Michael, as will millions of curious Americans. Hopefully the not-so-smart, spoiled rich kid won't get away with the same antics his daddy coveted in the last debacle......Here's to a smart and winning race for our man John Kerry!

Why, Schilling....Why?

2004-10-29T12:43:00.000-07:00

"World Series star Curt Schilling canceled a scheduled campaign appearance with President Bush on Friday. An e-mailer identifying himself as Schilling posted a message on a fan Web site saying an ankle injury would prevent the Boston Red Sox pitcher from attending."

You just had to be a republican didn't you?

I forget, are you going to be a free agent next year or
was that just democratic wishful thinking? Oh well, I guess we all can't be
conscious Americans can we? I mean who would I have to loath then.......

Did I ever tell anyone that I am the only
Democrat in my family?
(besides my most precious Grandpa, of coarse....
good man that he is......I got my smarts from you, Gramps obviously.....
Every family has it's shining star I guess.

If the Sox can break the curse...

2004-10-28T08:25:00.000-07:00

Kerry can surely break the curse of the last four years!
Sox fans represent the REAL American way!

Talkin', Talkin', Talkin'........

2004-10-27T13:24:00.000-07:00

"For a political candidate to jump to conclusions without knowing the facts is not a person you want as your commander in chief," Bush said, in response to new allegations put forth by the Kerry campaign claiming 400 tons of missing explosives in Iraq.

What a hypocrite you are George. Perhaps if you would NOT have jumped to conclusions that there were in fact weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, you would not look like the complete idiot you have so steadfastly drawn for the American public. That's right, now we are trying to delay elections in Iraq because we need more time to secure the outlining cities filled with the insurgents who seem to be growing in numbers and gun power....could that be where your precious 400 ton explosive stockpile is George? Don't you think these guys could be using our own artillery against us? I agree with Kerry that the insurgents are in fact using our explosives against us and that the war is just getting muddier by the day.....

Kerry's contention: "But now today we've learned even more. What we're seeing is that [George Bush] and the White House is dodging and bobbing and weaving in their usual efforts to avoid responsibility, just as they've done every step of the way in our involvement in Iraq." - Dodging and bobbing and weaving.....how fitting for a man who looks like he's going to punch out anyone who disagrees with his efforts. (See previous blog discussing the second debate). Does anyone have that lie detector machine? George, put down the gloves, take responsibility and for God sakes, do something about this mess...........I know I will be praying that at least the American people take some responsibility and get your ass the hell out of office on Tuesday......I think we've had enough.....haven't we????

Kerry in '04

2004-10-26T15:01:00.000-07:00

Thanks B....you are definitely the man!

Things that Frustrate the Hell out of Me:

2004-10-26T00:51:00.000-07:00

Traffic.
Video Games.
Miss America Competitions.
The fact that after 6 years of College (yeah, so it took me 6 years.....I had to party) I have no idea how to do a simple IT task........as my friend would say in a rather high and labored voice, "I'm confused"......ok, B, now I need help......
Frost on my windshield and no scraper....damn Seattlite!
Clients that lose shipments of paper worth $500 and blame it on the UPS guy.
Driving a KIA.
Being charged $12 for a DVD I forgot to return....oops.

Liquors and Strippers and Beers, Oh My

2004-10-25T09:24:00.000-07:00

As my head bobs back and forth struggling to stay awake after this busy weekend, I can only reflect on what will certainly go down in the "creative memory" books as a collage of good music, fine Vin Diesel lookin' strippers, cartoons in the we-hours of the morn and a first placement for the Cocks. After Friday night's entertaining Killers concert, which by the way Geronimo..... no backstage passes were acquired so I still don't know what the hell they mean about the boyfriend that looks like the girlfriend, sorry to disappoint. Regardless, I had so much fun experiencing the BlueBird for the first time with my great friends. Then it was off to a post-concert drink to watch an "almost Friday night fight" between one buzzing but witty friend and one rather voluptuous woman of which I befriended by the way to "cool the situation"......I mean don't we all need a smart-ass new friend to make us feel like we are partially in the right even though they are laughing under that all-knowing smile? Then Saturday, it was time to do the new do for a shock award at work on Monday.....Do sassy blonds really have more fun???? I'll let you know....
But now on to the Big Bachelorette Party.....what a great time...... an interesting dinner at a Moroccan pleasure palace and 2 for 1 strippers that actually looked decent....along with the funniest 4AM Tom & Jerry marathon ever....thanks Sheila.....Tom & Jerry definitely convey some seriously hazardous subliminal messages...they are seriously f**ked up! Of coarse, keep in mind that the views and opinions reflected on this site are those of me...and do not necessarily reflect the feelings of those mentioned in the blog.......Hey, I said that I had wanted to be a lawyer once.....I know how to cover my ass.....

So now the Sox are in the lead heading to St Louis and the Broncos hafta shine in Cincinnati. A week of recovering for me and hopefully a series wrap-up for the Sox......And a mere week away from the biggest day of all..........Vote or Die Baby....Vote or Die.

Lying the Poli Sci Way

2004-10-22T13:03:00.000-07:00

So a distiguished Gentleman from the FAR right that I see on a daily basis, we'll call him Bob, said something rather peculiar to me the other day. He got right in my face and announced the following: "Sally, John Kerry is a liar and he will say anything to win this election." Uh, really Bob? Gosh, aren't you a freakin' political wiz? Don't most if not all politicians lie on one front or the other to get elected? I mean duh.......most of the professionally political population are lawyers aren't they? This is a lot of the reason I did not become a lawyer, not because I didn't want to help people, I did (and yes, although it is unbelievable, some lawyers, especially those in adoption and child care case, do help people - which is what I wanted to do). But because there are certain events in the career of an attorney that necessitate lying to protect the ethical bi-laws as well as the integrity of a case, I opted out. Bob, you think your on to something??? Uh, yeah........George W. might lie a time or two here and there as well....I mean, Pleazzzze. So back to the political stuff:

Here's a shocker.......Democrats believe in bigger government....huh, isn't that what saved our "depressed" asses back in the 1940's? Yeah, pretty much. Under Roosevelt's administration we got social security and welfare and some other damn good ideas. Now while these ideas are good in theory.......like Carmelo's hoax of a Celebrity tournament last summer...they just don't work in the long range....but the ideas have lasted us several decades while Republicans such as Bush Sr and Bush Jr seem to care less about coming up with better ideas to improve the systems in place than about kicking ass all over the Middle East. Forget about the problems at home boys....we have oil to protect abroad. Forget about needing a health care system that allows every child the opportunity to receive the best, most adequate care and the need to find some sort of remedy (and not the oh-so-smart, invest it on your own plan) for the deficit in Social Security because damn it......we need to concentrate on saving Pete Coors $200,000 a year in taxes so he can better pollute the water of our pristine mountains. Hey George W....don't worry that rather large head of yours about our father's who are still unemployed because your plan to move jobs off shore saves money for those big businesses that throw you the $2,000 per plate steak dinners to raise funds for your "cause". And at last but CERTAINLY not least......please don't fret one bit about limiting the resources for stem cell research because in the end, it could only potentially save the lives of thousands of Alzheimers and Parkinsons victims...I mean what does that matter when you have bigger fish to fry like making certain that some people who may have been born to love a person of the same sex cannot get married.....I mean that is life threatening stuff.

Point being, we need bigger government to get us out of the mess that Bush has voluntarily thrust us. It may be unfortunate but it is true. Trillions of dollars of new deficit since Bush taking office and no clear remedies for the things that ail us inside our borders. We need someone to lead us for us, not for everyone else in the world because unfortunately, left to our own devises, we are only human and unfortunately we need LEADERS to assist, not world-wide bullies. Good luck gentleman, may the best "liar" win........

"And God said, 'Let the Curse be Lifted'"

2004-10-21T07:39:00.000-07:00

Allz I'm sayin' is.....You called it B! Now lookin' on to Saturday night......GO SOX!

Oh and how old is Theo Epstein?............an awfully cute, energetic YOUNG fella not fitting the profile of General Manager.....but whatever blows my skirt up....Oh, I mean your skirt. Nice Theo.........NNNice.

Schilling's the Man

2004-10-20T10:53:00.000-07:00

The 1st time the same two teams meet in Game 7 in consecutive years and the 1st time a team forces a Game 7 after being down 3-0!

What a great match-up. Tonight's the night.....Come'on Sox!!!!

Fall-ing

2004-10-19T08:22:00.000-07:00

Stuff I like about Fall:
Football
Monday Night Football
Bronco's actually winning
Running outside over leaves crunching
The "stream" in Vail
The 1st night you have to put the extra blanket on the bed
That beautiful Maroon Porsche with the Top down still
Christmas will be here before we know it..
The pumpkin patch in Sevrens, CO
Marathon Sundays........
Yellow Aspens
Snow Making at Copper and Breck

But most of all......

This year it's November 2nd............................
Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out George!

Mama K

2004-10-19T07:04:00.000-07:00

As an amateur restaurant critic, I thought it fun to give a shout out to my dear friend Kat and let her know that yes, I finally stepped out of my "comfort zone" and had dinner at Vesta last night, a hip and trendy "Melting Pot" for the griller in you. Great atmosphere and the most tantalizing sauces for dipping. Gone are the days of meat markets and hip-grinding for the desperate. 80's parties with friends, concerts at the smaller venues and trips on my own to the mountains to meditate next to a calm river vivaciously awaiting the first big snowfall are now the main course. The keys to happiness? If they fit that lock to the door of eternal intimacy I don't know but at least it's a step forward.

Who says we can't manage growth out of heartache and adversity? Oh, no one said that, in fact I think it was the opposite, I just didn't believe it. While I still feel light-years away from those emotionally available personalities that I dreamt about when I was small (yeah, right, I was dreaming about "emotionally available" men when I was small.... I might have just been dreaming of Alex P. Keaton, Maverick and Johnny because he says, "nobody puts Baby in the corner - back then) Anyway..at least the horizon is dawning and "things are lookin' up" as our "friend" Carrie might say. Girlfriend, you and I are just at the inauguration of something amazing and that 12 and 13 we got on our "Quiz" just tells you we are on our way to something great. Don't forget, you do have to kiss a lot of frogs..... but your Prince Charming is awaiting your beauty and intellectual charm. Perhaps you will see him at that small Cafe in Paris??? Have a wonderful trip and keep allowing yourself the growth, paced healing and grandeur that you deserve!

Bloodletting

2004-10-18T08:42:00.000-07:00

So the other day I decide to do the good thing and give some of my blood for those people that are in need. Thought I was doing something note-worthy until I was sitting in that chair and I finally realized that I was passing out. Now, being the rather long winded wuss that I am, I have never played that stupid choking game that the kids used to play in junior high, I think they called it....”is there a God?” or something like that. Anyway, I have never really passed out....well fainted....I have passed out plenty when Mr. Daniels or one-to-many Ms. Mary’s are involved. So the nurse is looking at me and realizes I am about to pass out and then there was all this comotion to put my feet up and lay me down and then there was the juice and the cookies. My goodness, you’d of thought I was a code blue. So now I feel a bit better about giving since I had to go through some rather uncomfortable nausia in order to give, (and I still don’t know if there is a God). Note-worthy or note-wussy? Not sure but thinking the blood givin’ thing may only be once a year. I feel this way every Saturday and Sunday morning, don’t need to do it to myself while I’m at work......

Geronimo Poses the Question

2004-10-15T10:39:00.000-07:00

I was out with the girls last night when I ran into my friend, "Geronimo".
While catching up and talking a bit about G.Love and Tristan Prettyman, I mentioned the Killers concert next week. Geronimo had a question, that I too find quite intriguing....
What the hell is meant by:
"Somebody told me that you had a boyfriend that looked
like a girlfriend that I had in February of last year;
it's not confidential and I've got potential......"

Geronimo and I are wondering why it's not confidential
and what the heck is meant by "I've got potential"?

My offering is this.
I think that maybe he has potential to look like the
boyfriend that looked like his girlfriend that he had in
February of last year..............and it is no secret.....
that he and his girlfriend of last year look just alike.........
Could it really be this simple? I think not.....

Perhaps Mr. Geronimo, I shall find the answer to
this perplexing question
Friday night when I score those
backstage passes at the concert ...... ;o)
While I won't be able to comment in the midst of the investigation,
I will surely inform you of my findings at the next Happy Hour!

Yeah..........I'm pretty sure I should find myself some work to do.......

Things I like about the President and Mr. Kerry

2004-10-14T13:21:00.000-07:00

Mr. Kerry:
~National Healthcare by choice
~He believes, as he and all men should, that women making $.76 for every dollar men
make is a crock of shit already.
~Says that listening to "Bush lecture [him] on fiscal responsibility, would be like taking advice
from Tony Soprano on Law & Order"........Best quote of the campaign by the way!
~Smart enough to know he married up
~Stand up to those insane (& obviously sexually frustrated) Bishops who say it would be a sin
to vote for Kerry.....I mean, that is reason enough now isn't it....forget his views or plans to
improve our country....just make a vote for sinning!! Sinning is fun!
~His stark.....STARK white teeth
~The fact that he looks straight at the camera, promises he will not raise taxes on those
earning less than $200K [py], and doesn't just bellow over in uncontrolled laughter.....Has it
really been that long since George SR? Don't think so....
~That he is smart enough to know that he married up.....oh wait, I think I said that already!

Things I like about Bush:
~That he is now 3 percentage points below Kerry and slipping.......

I have a stalker

2004-10-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

Yes, it is true. I am the proud owner of my very first stalker. Now while this may seem alarming....and yes it is quite alarming to me right now, I have chosen to view this as a sure sign that my zeal has not faded as much as I might have thought. My stalker comes complete with knowledge of where I live, my name, my hours of operation, a pen and bright orange sticky notes. He (and yes I venture to guess he is a he because I am pretty sure I know who he is) has visited the parking lot behind my apartment about 3 months ago to stare at me outside of his Jeep Cherokee and just recently he left two notes about my home, one on my front door and another on my car window.....oh, so that means he knows what I drive as well. Anyway, he has asked me to call him, saying he would "love to talk to [me]". Now two questions spring to mind:
1. Why, if he was at my front door last night, didn't he just knock and say, "hey, nice seeing you again after SEVEN freakin' years (yes, it has been seven years since I have actually talked to this person) and I was just in the neighborhood and thought I would say hello"? I did have the stereo blaring Oasis and Killers particularly loudly so I was obviously home.
..And
2. What the hell does he want after all this time?

I could call him (since he was kind enough to leave a number on the bright orange sticky notes, without his name of coarse) to ask him how he found me and what he wants but to be honest, I don't really want to hear the obligatory, "I know what you did last summer" and then have my friends and family find me in some logging mill up-state with a hatchet to the head.

Ok, so I am being a bit dramatic and the truth is, this guy, while showing complete inmaturity in the initial break-up so long ago, may have grown up just a bit or may feel bad about cheating on me the many times he did, however how am I to know if he is not plotting his final revenge like so many of the gentleman effected by my semi-sweet, enticing and ok, just plain insane demeanor, would think of so often but not actually act on? So the issue at hand, Mr. Stalker is this.....Shall I gamble with the past to see what's up or shall I spare my family the CNN updates of Scott Peterson, Duex? I'll ask Kerry and Bush when I see them tonight....til next time.......

A Question of being American – Part 1

2004-10-12T15:32:00.000-07:00

Every four years something amazing happens.....and unfortunately it has yet to be the red sox bringing home the series. No, it’s the chance for “we the people of the United State of America” to engage in a privilege called voting. Now, I know that most acquaintances my age have yet to engage themselves in this decision making process because they feel that their vote doesn’t count or perhaps they really don’t care how, when, why or who makes their decisions for them in the House and Senate however if any of them used even half the vigor they use to select which concert they are going to attend next weekend or what movie they will be ordering from NetFlix, then perhaps they might find that the world actually revolves around the opportunity offered by this great country we call the USA.

The presidential debate is for this gal what the super bowl is to my fellow Americans. I get the opportunity to see the candidates in action and if you look closely enough, you might even see a glimpse of some “roughing of the quarterback” or “holding on the offence”, or at least a look on the face of Bush that he is down with a 12-round boxing match......well ok, maybe only 3 rounds because even though I am a devout democrat, I am pretty sure Bush could kick the shit out of Kerry in a street brawl. It might be Kerry’s hair.....or maybe it is that dance Bush does in the town hall debate, but I think it might be a pretty quick fight. Anyway, the point is, these guys have a lot to say and although they are not the most eloquent speakers in the world, what they are saying matters and it should matter to us all. Especially in a world so torn with hate for Americans because we are “in the wrong war, at the wrong time”. Or in an America where children are still being “left behind”, or in this country of fewer and fewer opportunities for an affordable education, affordable healthcare, clean air to breath or a right to marry whomever the hell we want. Bush has sunk our ship into the sea of obscurity and deficit. And for what? So that that son of a bitch who tried to kill his dad was ousted. True, the world is a better place without Saddam however, where the hell is Osama? We should have whipped out a can of “atomic bomb” on his ass when he was in the Afghani Mountains. I mean sure, the bleeding liberal inside of me would have felt bad about the civilians that would have bit it, however he is the one that is responsible for hurting us where it hurt the most. It would be nice for Bush to admit that he was wrong about this war, I mean over 1000 troops have lost their lives and we are yet to see any relief. Mr. Bush, Sir Winston Churchill once said, “The price of greatness is responsibility.” Isn’t it time you admit you were wrong and get our guys the hell out of dodge? ......Stay tuned for Part 2......I'll see you after Wednesday's debate!

Things I'm guilty of

2004-10-11T10:34:00.000-07:00

Thinking I'm right about everything
Cheating in High School Math class
Not playing sports to my full potential
Thinking laughing is the cure all
Wanting to be someone I'm not
Crying too openly
Loving too much
Letting go too easily
Expecting too much in return
Analyzing everything....incorrectly
Wanting to be loved like that.....
Seeing stuff I want to see instead of seeing what's really there
Letting him marry me even though I knew he didn't really want it
Expressing every feeling I have every moment I have them
Not keeping secrets

But mostly I'm guilty of wanting what I know I can't have

Over Zealous

2004-10-11T09:38:00.000-07:00

Hey kids. What a grandios idea, composition for humor or intellectual connection? Not sure which but looking forward to it.....fun stuff.